Tiny Buddha

Category: Courage

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing It’s Never All Dark

    Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing It’s Never All Dark

    “Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.” ~Māori Proverb

    People often comment that the Tiny Buddha emails come at just the right time for them, and I think there’s a simple explanation for that. They all address universal challenges–things we all deal with, and often. They’re the things we sometimes forget connect us.

    We all deal with pain, heartache, disappointment, frustration, fear, anxiety, and loss. We don’t deal with it at the same times, in the same ways, or for the same reasons, but we all experience the same emotions–over and over again.

    Just when we think everything is perfect, something changes and we realize nothing is permanent. Just when we think we have everything figured out, we realize how much we don’t understand, and maybe never will.

    But we also have something else in common: No matter how dark things can seem in our lives, we always have at least a little light–and sometimes far more than we realize. Very rarely is all lost.

    If things aren’t going great with work, you may still have amazing friends who remind you that you are so much more than what you do for a living. If you don’t have the relationship you dream about, you might have family members there to remind you that you are never alone.

    We always have good things in our lives. It’s just that sometimes we get too distracted by what’s lacking to recognize what’s going right.

    Yesterday I asked on Facebook, “What advice would you give to yourself, 10 years ago?” I would tell myself to stop worrying that I was missing out on the good life, because I was actually missing out on life because of all the worrying.

    Though none of us can go back and do things differently, we can remember what we’ve learned and use it.

    Today I commit to enjoying the light, wherever it may be. What light is there in your life?

    *This is an updated version of a post from 2009. Photo by law_keven

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Change

    Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Change

    “To get something you never had, you  have to do something you never did.” -Unknown

    There’s a reason we often take the path most traveled: Seeing all the footprints on the well-trodden road creates the illusion of certainty, especially when many are your own.

    When it’s familiar,  it feels safe. You know what’s at the end; you’ve been there before. You know how to get there, so you don’t need to pay too much attention to your steps or the details along the way. You can just kind of put yourself on auto-pilot and go.

    But there’s something kind of ironic about living on auto-pilot.

    We generally do the things we’ve always done because they require less mental effort; you know what’s around you, so you don’t need to worry as much. But instinctively, we still find things to stress about. Even if we follow the path that feels comfortable, we generally end up thinking about the possibility of things we can’t control. There are always things we can’t control. Nothing is ever certain.

    If you inevitably need to embrace the discomfort of knowing the future is uncertain, why not choose the discomfort that might push you one inch closer to the possibilities you dream about?

    Why not reach out to someone you admire, or go to that event you’re scared to attend, or pitch that idea you’re afraid isn’t great? Life is bound to be messy and occasionally scary. Why not actively choose your changes, instead of waiting for them to choose you?

    Today as you go about your day, if you find yourself doing what you’ve always done, ask yourself: What would make me feel excited about today? Then do it. That tingling sense of fear and possibility–it’s the feeling of being alive.

    Photo by C.Davenby

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Risks and Rewards

    Tiny Wisdom: On Risks and Rewards

    “Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” -H. Jackson Browne

    It’s safe. Familiar. Comfortable. Effortless. It doesn’t make waves. It’s what other people think you should do. You’re less likely to fail. Less likely to feel vulnerable. Less likely to question if it was worth the risk.

    Whether you realize it now or not, it is. We tend to regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did.

    On my first date with my boyfriend, I told him over dinner that I’d always wanted to go skydiving, even though I was afraid of heights. And I meant it–someday. As in someday far away, in a time when it suddenly seemed less terrifying. Someday came far quicker than I’d planned.

    He told me that if I wanted to see him again, I’d have to jump out of a plane. So he took me skydiving on our second date. For days before, I considered backing out, especially after I tweeted about it and someone linked me to skydiving fatalities. Although I knew it would likely be safe, I was afraid of the inherent risk.

    What pushed me through was the realization that I said I wanted to do it because I did. So I took it one moment at a time. I focused first on just getting in the car–that was all I had to do. Then next on going into the building. Then next on boarding the plane. Then next on jumping out.

    What I didn’t plan was the last step–feeling more alive than I ever had before.

    I took the risk one simple action step at a time, and though it didn’t completely take away the fear, it certainly pushed me through it. It was absolutely worth it. Nothing is more satisfying than actually doing what you’ve always said you wanted to do.

    Get unsafe. Less familiar. Uncomfortable. Difficult. Make waves. Define expectations. Risk failing. Feel vulnerable. Be bold and courageous. No matter where it takes you, leaving your comfort zone–learning, growing, feeling alive–is always worth the risk.

    Photo by magical-world

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being Openly You

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being Openly You

    “What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly.” -Carl Rogers

    When I was in high school, it was trendy to be “alternative.” It was a time of Green Day, grunge, and wallet chains, and everyone and their brother did their best to blend in by pledging nonconformity.

    It was an ironic time for self-expression–we were unified by our mutual declaration of individuality, underscored by an unspoken need to belong.

    Though it’s been a long time since I wore a thermal shirt with self-cut thumb holes, I still feel tempted on occasion to shapeshift to please people. Generally, the change is subtle–more of a gloss than a mask. Still, it’s a choice that reinforces that I need to be something other than what I am.

    I suspect that if we’re honoring our authentic selves, we will occasionally, and maybe even often, feel rejected.

    We will sense that some people don’t get, understand, or appreciate us for who we really are. It’s inevitable when we’re being our true selves that some people will dislike what they see and judge.

    Perhaps the key to accepting ourselves is accepting that it’s perfectly OK if other people have negative opinions.

    In fact, it’s actually a positive choice to allow other people to think what they will, knowing there are plenty of people who love you, just as you are–and that you are one of those people.

    Today if you feel tempted to censor yourself for fear of not being accepted, remember: It’s better to be judged for something you are than to be accepted for something you’re not.

    Photo by beggs

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being Honest

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being Honest

    “It pays to be honest, but it’s slow pay.” ~Proverb

    There are two types of rewards we can enjoy in this life: the kind that appear to come immediately, and the kind that we generally don’t realize are accumulating over time.

    When you say what people want to hear instead of speaking your mind, you  may receive their validation; but in the long run, it won’t be nearly as satisfying as knowing you’re a person who operates with integrity.

    When you lie about who you are to avoid the discomfort of being rejected, you may receive other people’s approval; but it won’t be nearly as gratifying as knowing people like you for you and earning your own self-respect.

    When you fail to acknowledge your needs to meet another person’s, you may feel good about being considerate; but it won’t be nearly as rewarding as taking care of yourself.

    Honesty can feel uncomfortable in the short-term. I’ve often struggled with being fully myself, asking for what I need, and saying no when people ask for things I don’t want to give. But everything good in my life has come from the decision to honor my own truth.

    We all have countless opportunities to do this from one day to the next. Today when you have a choice to be true to yourself or please someone else, ask yourself: Would you rather be honest and temporarily uncomfortable, or slowly convince yourself that what you want, need, and believe doesn’t matter?

    Photo by zeepack

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being Honest with Yourself

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being Honest with Yourself

    “Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” -Spencer Johnson

    Only you know if you’ve been lying to yourself. Other people may think they know what’s going on in your head and what’s right for you. But only you know what you need to do and whether or not you’re doing it.

    Only you know what you believe and whether or not you’re honoring it.

    Only you know what your values are and whether or not you’re upholding  them.

    Only you know if you’re projecting onto other people to avoid taking responsibility for your own life.

    And only you can decide to get brave, stop lying, and start being the person you know you want to be–in thoughts, words, and actions.

    Have you been lying to yourself–and is it time to start creating happiness in the way that only you can?

    Photo by harmonicagoldfish

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Conflict

    Tiny Wisdom: On Conflict

    “Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” -Unknown

    There are some days when I want everything to stop.

    I want the calls to stop, the emails to stop, the requests to stop, the expectations to stop, the confrontations to stop, and the struggles to stop. Essentially, I want everything to feel quiet and easy.

    Then I realize that if everything stopped, life would be boring, uneventful, and static.

    If everything stopped, I wouldn’t have any opportunities to create, grow, learn from other people, or share what I’ve learned with them. Life would not be peaceful–life just wouldn’t be happening.

    What I really want on those chaotic days isn’t for the world to stop. I just want to stop seeing the world as a million fires I need to put out. I want to stop interpreting everything as a conflict or crisis. I want to stop living life in a constant state of reaction, and instead focus on the actions that matter to me.

    I suspect that’s what we all want: the ability to nurture a sense of peace that doesn’t crumble every time our circumstances get challenging.

    The truth is we can access that on any day we choose to. We just need to choose–and then keep choosing instead of responding with stress, fear, and angst.

    Today if your world seems less than peaceful, remind yourself: I can deal with whatever happens outside me. It starts by taking responsibility for what happens inside.

    Photo by mahalaie

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Strength

    Tiny Wisdom: On Strength

    “Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” -Unknown

    Sometimes admitting that something is over can feel like defeat. After all, we hear a lot of messages that tell us to never give up–to hold on and keep fighting at all costs.

    But if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know when it’s time to move on.

    You’ll know when a relationship no longer serves you, and you’re just staying because you’re too scared to leave. You’ll know when a job no longer makes you happy, but you’re staying because you think it will be hard to find something else. You’ll know when a business idea didn’t work, and it’s time to cut your losses and start the next thing.

    Somewhere inside you, you always know.

    You just have to stop ignoring the symptoms of your awareness or discontent, and decide it’s time to let go–of the relationship, the friendship, the job, the hobby, the idea, the religion, and in some cases, the illusion of something that you never even had to begin with.

    Today if you’re unsure whether you should hold on or let go, create space and stillness and then ask yourself: If you were fully honest about your motivations and needs, and not letting your fear choose for you, which choice would you make?

    Now all you need is the strength to make it. So the real question is: Are you strong enough to choose for your happiness?

    Photo by zedmelody

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Turning the Dark into Light

    Tiny Wisdom: On Turning the Dark into Light

    “We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.” -Helen Keller

    This is the kind of statement that I used to find incredibly annoying. I thought it was an overly simplified way of condoning a lot of the hurtful things other people had done. If someone suggested that a hardship was a gift, I assumed they were saying it because they couldn’t relate to my pain.

    Then I realized that my stubborn commitment to being right and bitter was causing me just as much pain as I felt other people caused. I was hurting myself by holding onto anger and refusing to see what I’d gained through my different trials and tribulations.

    When we consider that every event contains a gift–even the ones that seem negative–we suddenly have immense power in creating our state of mind and making a positive difference in the world.

    Everything that appears to be dark can become light if we recycle it into something useful. Everything can inspire us to learn, grow, and help other people.

    Today if you’re dealing with something you never would have asked for, ask yourself: What can I learn from this to improve life for me and others going forward? And equally important: What can I do with what I learned?

    Photo by harminder dhesi photography

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Moving Forward

    Tiny Wisdom: On Moving Forward

    “Doing your best means never stop trying.” -Unknown

    For years, I stressed over the possibility that my best was not good enough. I realized that I couldn’t possibly do better than my best, but as a type-A overachiever, this logic wasn’t sufficient permission to feel proud when I put all my heart into something.

    I didn’t want to do my best–I wanted to do the best that anyone could do. I wanted to achieve greatness, as recognized by lots of people. I wanted it to be undeniably true that I was someone worth admiring and respecting.

    What I have since realized is that no one’s admiration and respect will ever feel like enough until I admire and respect myself. And that doesn’t come from obsessing about perfect outcomes–it comes from knowing I am strong enough and brave enough to keep going, even knowing I’ll never be perfect.

    If you are doing something that scares you, know that you are doing your best. If you’re doing something you’ve failed at before, know that you are doing your best. If you are doing something that you feel like you’re failing at now, know that you are doing your best.

    And more importantly, regardless of what you achieve, know that you deserve your own respect and admiration for being a person who is willing to try.

    Photo by retardoricardo

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Living

    Tiny Wisdom: On Living

    “It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” -Eckhart Tolle

    You might not think to compare beloved children’s writer Dr. Seuss to spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, but there’s a common message about happiness in both their works: We can only experience joy through action in the now, not by waiting to get it some day, when everything works out and makes sense.

    From Seuss’ Oh the Places You Will Go:

    The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

    Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

    Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

    He then writes: No! That’s not for you!

    But I’m going to alter that slightly since we’re all adults now. That very well might be you. I know that it’s been me. I’ve waited for the right time to make a change, the ideal time to tell someone how I feel, the safest time to try something new, and the easiest time to take care of myself.

    The only problem is that it rarely feels right, ideal, safe, or easy. Those words are merely excuses to let the moment slip away. And it does. Over and over again until they have run out.

    This moment is a chance to do something differently, no matter how small it may seem. Every big change starts with one small choice.

    The best way to stop waiting and start living is to decide that life happens now, and to ask yourself: If you knew time was running out, what would you stop waiting to do?

    Photo by scion_cho

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Doubts

    Tiny Wisdom: On Doubts

    “When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” -Honore de Balzac

    When you think that you don’t know, know that somewhere inside you, you do. When you think you can’t go on, know that you absolutely can and will. When you aren’t sure that you can make a difference, know that you already do, and you will continue to if you just keep going.

    It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about how boldly you’re willing to act, knowing full there’s a lot you don’t know.

    Today if you doubt yourself, remember: You are far more powerful than you think. You just need to believe it.

    Photo by Accidental Beauty Photography

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Using Freedom

    Tiny Wisdom: On Using Freedom

    “We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.”  ~William Faulkner

    Let’s face it: In a world where work is a requirement, a lot of us will end up spending at least some time doing things we wouldn’t choose to do. If we’re passionate and determined, we can create a world where we work is enjoyable, and maybe even create the conditions to work fewer hours.

    But what’s important is what we do with the time we have on any given day.

    You might not be able to travel internationally right now, but you can visit a museum on your off day. You might not feel like you have enough time to write a book, but you can start writing a blog at night.

    When we choose to do, instead of lamenting what we can’t do, something miraculous happens: We start feeling more passionate and alive while planting seeds for positive change.

    Time is the ultimate currency in life, and it slips away, every minute, every hour, and every day regardless of how we choose to spend it.

    Today if you feel overwhelmed by all the things you have to do, ask yourself: How can I use the remaining time in a way that feels purposeful and joyful?

    Photo by Eustaquio Santimano

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Who You Were Meant to Be

    Tiny Wisdom: On Who You Were Meant to Be

    “Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.” -George Sheehan

    I don’t know that I believe we were “meant to be” anything specifically, but I know that we all have greater intentions that often get suffocated under the weight of our daily responsibilities.

    We all want to make the world a better place. We all want to mean something to other people. What that looks like differs for all of us, and sometimes it changes from one day, one month, and one year to the next.

    But it’s up to us all individually to wake up every day and decide that those intentions are what really matter. It’s not the money, approval, acclaim, or anything else that might distract us from what we believe to be true. What matters is who we want to be, and what we do about it today.

    I want to be someone who cares. I want to be someone who chooses not to cause myself pain but isn’t afraid of hurting if it’s the price of loving fully. I want to be someone who does what I believe is right, even when it’s hard. Today, I will, in action and with all my heart.

    Who do you want to be–and what will you do about it today?

    Photo by Tiny Buddha reader Jacob Romero

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Creating

    Tiny Wisdom: On Creating

    “Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.” -Mary Lou Cook

    To be fully alive is to always be creating, whether it’s love, joy, connection, purpose, passion, or possibilities. What are you creating today?

    Photo by gfpeck

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Living with Honor

    Tiny Wisdom: On Living with Honor

    “The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be.” ~Socrates

    Most of us live the majority of our lives for other people—trying to do what they want us to do, aiming to meet their expectations, and hoping to be seen as we’d like them to see us.

    Trying to sway perception is exhausting and oftentimes fruitless because we can never dictate what other people think. We don’t get to control our reputation; we only get to shape our character.

    Today, if you find yourself fixating on other people’s perceptions and judgments, shift your focus to what you think about your choices and actions. Are you being someone you’re proud of? If not, what needs to change?

    Photo by zackzen

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Becoming Again

    Tiny Wisdom: On Becoming Again

    “To live is to be willing to die over and over again.” ~Pema Chodron

    A lot of times we say we want to expand our world, but without realizing it we attach to the way things are.

    We attach to our feelings, relationships, and circumstances, and then fight to hold onto them for dear life. It’s scary to let go of what is and what works, and sometimes even what doesn’t work. Familiar and bearable can be a lot more comforting than the unknown and potentially dissatisfying.

    And yet tomorrow is always unknown. No matter how secure we may feel with what we have, everything can change in a heartbeat. We can choose to fear what could go wrong and then wade into a murky tomorrow feeling fearful and resistant, or embrace the possibility of what could go right and face tomorrow with excitement and wonder.

    Every day we can mourn who we were before or many befores ago, or celebrate who we’re becoming now and in the nows to come. Which do you choose today?

    Photo by daz smith

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Perfect Plans

    Tiny Wisdom: On Perfect Plans

    Green Buddha

    “A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.” -Proverb

    Tomorrow always seems like a safe bet for action. Then you’ll be ready to get started, or get serious, or get over it, or get on with it. Tomorrow you’ll finally set your plan in motion instead of shaping it into something just right. You’ll take the offer, the plunge, or the road less taken tomorrow, when you feel sure.

    Tomorrow can become a moving target while todays pile up and expire.

    Sometimes we need to be patient, but oftentimes we use it as an excuse to wait for something that will likely never come. Today is our chance to act. We might not always know precisely what to do, but we can trust that we’ll figure out as we go if only we get started.

    Of course that comes down to whether or not we’re willing to trust in our abilities. What do you need to start today, and if you don’t trust in yourself, what can you do to change that?

    Green Buddha image via Shutterstock

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Everyday Change

    Tiny Wisdom: On Everyday Change

    Buddha

    “The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” ~Flora Whittemore

    Some decisions seem so inconsequential when you make them.

    You choose not to go to lunch with your coworkers. You decide against making that call about taking a class. You reconsider your plans to go out with your friends and instead sit alone, in a familiar space, with a familiar level of comfort.

    Every small decision affects the next decision you get to make.

    If you don’t go to lunch, you might not learn about a new position at your company. If you don’t make the call, you might not find out there’s a scholarship program that could help make your dreams come true much more easily than you thought. If you don’t join your friends, you might miss a unique experience that you’d have cherished if you had it.

    We don’t have to do everything; in fact, it’s just not possible. But we can choose to open doors more often than we close them. We can choose to be part of the world more often than sitting on the outside.

    What doors will you open today?

    Photo by neonow

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Choosing

    Tiny Wisdom: On Choosing

    “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them.” ~Denis Waitley

    Sometimes complaining, stressing, analyzing, and fantasizing can seem proactive, but they don’t actually change anything. Visualizing or planning may help you take action, but nothing changes unless you actually do.

    Today if you feel aggravated with your circumstances ask yourself these questions: Am I willing to do something to change them? And if not, what can I do to enjoy today instead of dwelling and letting it slip away?

    Photo by joiseyshowaa