Category: Courage

Tiny Wisdom: The Same, But Different

“What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” -Unknown

My boyfriend, who is an aspiring screenwriter, has told me that the film industry and moviegoers essentially want “the same, but different.”

We want the same themes, but with different people; the same humor, but in different circumstances.

We want to see good rewarded, and for love to conquer all; we want the hero to change for the better, and the villain to reap what he sows.

We want action, excitement, adventure, and romance; we want to feel terrified and then relieved; we want to doubt and then believe.

We want to see people fall and survive—struggle and thrive. We want to feel the full spectrum of emotions, from low to high. We want to be moved, inspired, and maybe even in some small way, changed.

In the real world there are no happy endings, since we’re perpetually in the middle—and often, there’s gravity where filmmakers would insert levity, and unfairness where they would create justice.

Still, this is all very similar to life: from one day to the next, it’s often the same, but different.

We experience fears, insecurities, and emotions that we’ve known and felt for years. We deal with challenges that seem so familiar they may even seem like a part of us.

We might make mistakes we’ve made many times before. We might come against the same resistance we’ve been battling all our lives.

We may repeat the same patterns in relationships that we’ve known since we were young. And we may find ourselves receiving guidance that seems like nothing new.

And yet it’s always new. It’s always different. Even if the days are similar, we come to each one totally new people.

We come to our struggles with new insights. We come to each other with new understanding. And we come to each moment with new potential to be that hero—to make a different choice, to change for the better.

Sometimes it can seem like nothing ever changes and nothing ever will. But everything changes, in tiny shifts, every day. The real question is whether or not we’ll recognize the tiny shifts within us and act on what we feel.

Regardless of our circumstances, we always have a choice. We can choose more of the same; or we can recognize this moment is different—and that we can be, too.

Photo by malfet_

March 1, 2012
Tiny Wisdom: Take This Moment and Start Anew

“Many fine things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow.” -Unknown

When I was younger, an adult I was staying with told me, “The diet starts tomorrow. Let’s eat everything we can before midnight.”

So we did. We ate grilled cheeses, leftover Chinese food, Twinkies, and anything else that called to us from her cabinets.

It was then or never, that was the message, and tomorrow would be different—which of course it wasn’t.

For years, I started each morning intending to make healthy choices, and then after failing to meet my perfectionist standards, decided to turn over a new leaf the following day.

I justified chain smoking by telling myself I’d quit tomorrow. I allowed myself to remain inert by rationalizing that the day was “ruined” because I missed my morning workout.

It was impossible to make big change because I always had an excuse to avoid making different choices.

I eventually gave up Marlboros and binge fests, but I still deal with all-or-nothing thinking at times, particularly when it comes to leaving my comfort zone—and if I’m not careful, it can be paralyzing.

Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you’ve rationalized that you’ll start dieting after the holidays, instead of cutting back just a little starting now. Or maybe you’ve put off looking for more fulfilling work, assuming it would be easier next week, next month, or next year, when you feel less frustrated or overwhelmed.

We delude ourselves when we rationalize that tomorrow we’ll excel at what we aren’t willing to start today. We may never feel fully prepared or confident when it comes to our ability to change—and that’s okay, so long as we’re willing to try, starting now.

That means accepting we may not do things perfectly.

We may feel like we’re making progress and then fear we’re right where we started. More likely, we will have taken two steps forward and one step back—which means we are moving forward.

I don’t believe that life is short; most of us will have abundant opportunities to experience all this world has to offer. Whether or not we actually do that is largely dependent on how we spend our time.

We can sabotage our days by imagining tomorrow will be better; or we can seize our moments by forgiving ourselves when we struggle and doing the best we can right now.

Photo by zedmelody

January 24, 2012
Tiny Wisdom: Our Mistakes May as Well Be Our Own

“Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else’s.” -Billy Wilder

A few months ago, when I was creating my book marketing plan, an associate advised me to allocate resources to something that I felt certain was not a smart idea. He offered a detailed explanation for why I should do it, but I felt strongly that it wasn’t necessary.

I eventually did as he recommended because he was adamant that I should. Essentially, I decided his instincts were smarter than mine—even though this was new territory for both of us—and simply followed his instructions.

Sure enough, this investment yielded practically no return, and at first, I felt angry toward him. Why was he so persuasive, I wondered, and why didn’t he offer me additional guidance so that it didn’t end up being a complete waste of money?

I realized then that I was trying to hold him responsible, when the reality is that I am the only person with the power to follow my instincts and make my choices.

There are always going to be people who think they know what’s best for us—and many times, they will be well-intentioned.

There will be family members who think they know which career paths we should pursue. There will be friends who think they know when we should walk away from our relationships. It always seems so clear from the outside, but the reality is no one knows what the future holds and where our choices will lead us—including us.

No one can know that walking away from one job will ultimately lead to something better. No one can know that ending a relationship will prove wiser than spending time trying to work things out. And no one can change that there is an element of risk in every decision.

We can either take our risks based on other people’s instincts; or we can take responsibility for out path into uncertainty.

We can only ever know what feels right for us in a moment—not whether or not it’s the right or wrong choice to create our desired outcome. This means we need to dare to own our decisions.

We can best navigate twists and turns when we’re fully in the driver’s seat—but in order to do that, we need we have the strength and courage to steer.

Photo by sharrattsam

January 18, 2012
Tiny Wisdom: We Can Choose Right Now

“You are your choices.” -Seneca

It sounds like such a cliché to say that most of what we’re seeking is already within us, but nonetheless, it’s true.

Happiness doesn’t only exist in some perfect tomorrow when our circumstances look ideal. It’s a moment-to-moment choice that has to do with how we perceive and respond to what’s in front of us. We can choose happiness right now.

Peace doesn’t only exist in some time without obstacles or troubles. It’s something we can feel by accepting what is, doing our best, and believing that’s good enough. We can choose peace right now.

Love doesn’t only exist in a storybook relationship with the perfect person. It’s something we can nurture within ourselves in any moment and then share with the people and the world around us. We can choose love right now.

Success doesn’t only exist in epic achievement, some day down the road. It’s what we feel when we honor the things that matter to us instead of making excuses why we can’t. We can choose success right now.

We can choose what we think. We can choose what we believe. We can choose how we react. We can choose how we act.

This moment is all there is—and while we can’t control everything about it, we can choose who we are and what we do within it.

What do you choose right now?

Photo by memsahib 313

December 13, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: Not Choosing Is a Choice

“When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that is in itself a choice.” -William James

“I don’t know—what do you think?”

Recently I find myself asking this when my boyfriend asks what I want to do—what movie I want to see, where I want to eat, or how I’d like to spend an off-day.

At first I thought this was just a residual people-pleasing tendency from a time when I measured my worth in approval. But when I look at this more closely, I realize it’s actually about relinquishing the tiny decisions, since inevitably there are lots of large ones that I simply have to make.

Every day we make countless choices that affect our lives in major ways. Do we stay with a job or take a risk and follow our dreams? Do we tell someone how we feel, or do we wait for a better time?

Then there are the decisions we make by making no choice at all—when we remain in a relationship that we really want to end, or we stay in a location even though our heart’s pulling us somewhere else.

Life is a constant stream of choices. That can be overwhelming and sometimes downright exhausting—if we put pressure on every decision, in fear of doing the wrong thing, or making a choice and then somehow missing out because of it.

These big life choices may seem completely divorced from the tiny decisions we make about how we spend our time, but it all comes down to the same question: Do we want to take responsibility for now?

We’re the only ones who can identify what we want and then do something about it, whether it’s what we do with our evenings, what we do with our vacations, or even what we do with our lives.

We can see this as something stressful, and wait it out, hoping someone or something else will tell us what’s the best course of action. Or we can tune into what we want in any given moment, knowing that no matter how things turn out, we will be happy for finding the strength to follow our instincts and choose.

Photo by David Offf

November 27, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: The Myth of the After Picture

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” -Anais Nin

It’s a seductive image—the idea of when you “get there.” What you’ll look like when you lose the weight. How your life will change when you achieve success. How everything will improve when you’re finally happy.

I first began chasing “after pictures” when I was a chubby 12 year old kid. I was convinced that slim felt like peace, and I found lots of photographic confirmation—particularly in advertisements.

I remember buying 7 mammoth bottles of weight loss juice for $100. The “before” picture in the ad didn’t just show a larger woman; she also had messy hair, a disheveled appearance, and an overall air of despair.

The woman in the “after picture,” however, seemed to have everything together. It was like she’d arrived at perfect, and now there was nothing that hurt. I wanted that. I wanted permanently better.

Years later, when I recognized I was attaching to “someday” to avoid being in today, I unintentionally shifted to another “after picture”—the day when I’d become perfectly present. It was the same self-rejection, just disguised as something spiritual.

I now realize the “after picture” is an illusion, as it pertains to weight loss, success, enlightenment, or anything else we think is permanent happiness. And it’s not because we can’t make major changes in our lives. It’s because even when we do, we are constantly transforming and evolving, inside and out.

Our bodies are constantly changing—even if we’re healthy, our weight fluctuates at least a little, and we inevitably age.

Our minds are constantly changing—we learn, unlearn, and then relearn over and over again as we discover more about ourselves and the world.

Our feelings are constantly changing. We hurt, we’re humbled, we heal, we’re strengthened, and then we do it all over again, because that’s what it means to be human.

Not only is there nowhere to get to, there is nowhere we will stay. There is just the choice of this moment: to be present and comfortable in our skin, to forgive ourselves if we struggle, and to remember that as long as we’re breathing, there is always a new opportunity to choose.

Photo by iBrotha

November 14, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: It’s You

“Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens.” -Epictetus

The one you’ve been waiting for to tell you what to do—it’s you. You’re the only one who knows what’s right for you in this moment.

The one you’ve been waiting for to fix your problems—it’s you. You’re the only one who has the power to change what isn’t working.

The one you’ve been waiting for to make the pain go away—it’s you. Whatever you’re holding onto, only you can let it go.

The one you’ve been waiting for to give you permission—it’s you. You’re the only one who can decide whether you’ll try or hold yourself back.

The one you’ve been waiting for to love you—it’s you. You’re the only one who can make you feel beautiful and worthy.

The one you’ve been waiting for to provide something that’s missing—it’s you. You’re the only one who can create and recognize what’s enough for your happiness.

The one who makes a difference in so many people’s lives—it’s you. Remember that even when you struggle with some of these things, the world is a better place for having you in it.

Photo by silvihelsinkirocks

November 6, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: When Instincts Aren’t Enough

“Never ignore a gut feeling, but never believe that it’s enough.” -Robert Heller

A while back, a friend of mine called me crying because of a huge disappointment in her life. She made a bold decision based on gut instinct, and then expected that everything would work out as she envisioned it because she felt so certain it was the right choice.

I think what hurt her most of all was the realization that nothing is certain. Following your instincts to leave something doesn’t guarantee it will be easy to find something else. And knowing that something feels right doesn’t ensure you’ll immediately know the right way to make it happen.

Our instincts point us in the right direction, but we need know before we take that first step that very few paths are clear and direct. The hardest thing isn’t taking the leap—it’s learning to relax in the free fall when you’re not sure yet where you’re going to land or how.

I have been in this place many times before.

I’ve walked out of offices, feeling empowered with my decision to quit—only to later to find myself wondering if I should have followed my father’s advice to “never leave one job without another lined up.”

I’ve walked away from unhealthy relationships feeling proud of my ability to let go—only to find myself obsessing about whether it was a choice to be permanently alone.

And I’ve decided to get help to change bad habits—only to find myself feeling unsure of how I’d function without them.

That instinctive decision to walk away from something, or toward something, or through something—it’s only the very beginning.

But if we’re brave enough to listen to it and take action, we’re also brave enough to handle the uncertainty ahead. If we have the strength to make that choice, we have the strength to keep honoring it when things get tough, as they often do.

Today if you’re walking through unfamiliar territory, wondering if you made the right choice, ask yourself: Would you question your decision if things all worked out right away? If the answer is no, then keep learning, keep growing, and keep going.

You know you want this. Now you just need to be patient enough to let yourself discover how you’ll do it.

Photo by geishaboy500

November 3, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: It’s OK to Say No

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” ~Josh Billings

Sometimes I feel immense pressure to do all kinds of things I don’t want to do. The reality is, I often put this pressure on myself. I think about the things I should do. Or the things I think I should want to do. Or the things other people might expect me to do.

And all this thinking can drain me—before I’ve gotten a chance to do anything. This is basically choosing to create anxiety where there could be peace and joy. It’s wasting precious time, feeling conflicted, restricted, and full of angst.

So today I invite you to join me in remembering it’s OK to say no, and our world won’t fall apart because of it.

It’s OK to say no if you don’t feel moved by an opportunity—no matter how exciting it might sound to someone else. Happiness is a choice, but it’s made up of lots of smaller choices we need to make based on what we actually want.

It’s OK to say no if you’d rather relax than go out—no matter how many other people think you should be social. Only we know when we need to recharge and take care of ourselves, so it’s up to us to recognize and honor that.

It’s OK to say no if you’d need to sacrifice your needs to help someone else—even if a part of you feels a little guilty about it. People are always going to have requests. Sometimes we’ll be able to help; sometimes we won’t. We’re still good people regardless.

It’s OK to say no because you don’t have time—even if you don’t know right in this moment when you’ll be more available. We’re allowed to say no without hinting toward a future yes.

It’s OK to say no without a detailed excuse—even if you feel like you should offer one. “This doesn’t feel right for me right now” is a perfectly valid reason.

Lastly, it’s OK to say no even if you’ve already said yes, if you realize you weren’t being true to yourself. It’s far better to make the right decision late than follow through with the wrong one because you think you should.

Photo by permanently scatterbrained

November 2, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: Being Honest About What You Want

“Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” -Walter Anderson

One of the biggest challenges in my life has been understanding when I’m doing something because I want to, and when I’m doing it because I’m scared to do what I really want to do.

I am someone who can easily spend huge chunks of time alone. I enjoy eating out by myself, sitting solitary in parks to people-watch, and roaming around my neighborhood with only my internal monologue for company.

As a writer and a naturally inquisitive person, solitude often suits me.

Except for when it doesn’t.

Once upon a time, I isolated myself to hide from life and its inevitable pain. If I want to live a fulfilling, balanced life, I need to be highly self-aware about when and why I choose to be alone. I need to ask myself, “Am I choosing this for joy, or is it coming from fear?”

I suspect we all need to ask ourselves this question from time to time.

Are you choosing not to go out to that networking event because you’d genuinely rather do something else—or is it because you get nervous when you have to talk about your business? Did you decide to drop out of that class or club because you didn’t like it—or did you quit because you felt like you were out of your league?

It’s tempting to lie to yourself, especially when it allows you to stay in our comfort zone. It’s much easier to believe you just don’t want something than it is to acknowledge you’re really terrified.

But we owe it to ourselves to ask the probing questions that stretch us outside our safe boundaries.

We deserve to experience all the situations and adventures we dream about. But we can only do that if we’re honest with ourselves about what we really want—and if we’re brave enough to challenge our instinct to do what feels easy and safe.

Photo by McD22

October 31, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: What It Means to Be Free
“Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves.” -Friedrich Nietzsche
- When you choose to forgive instead of seeing the world through bitter eyes, you are free.
- When learn from your mistakes instead of letting them define or cripple you, you are free.
- When you love yourself regardless of what other people think, you are free.
- When you accept uncertainty instead of stressing about what you don’t know, you are free.
- When you embrace chaos, instead of struggling for control, you are free.
- When you recognize that we are all imperfect, and then resist the urge to fight that, you are free.
- When you choose to appreciate what you have instead of lamenting what you’ve lost, you are free.
- When you plant yourself in this moment, and do what you can to make the most of it, you are free.
Photo by usadifranci.

Visit the Tiny Buddha Facebook page to read 140+ definitions for freedom.
October 4, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: Keeping Your Heart Open

“A person’s world is only as big as their heart.” -Tanya A. Moore

Last week, I wrote about John Robbins, who presented at Bonfire Heights. He and his son Ocean shared a number of stores about loving fully and unconditionally. Sitting in the audience at their presentation felt like participating in a massive, 45-minute group hug. They were just that openhearted–and the audience that receptive.

This got me thinking about my capacity for vulnerability. Though I write a lot about the benefits of being open, I’ve noticed I have a limit, so to speak–a point at which I inevitably shut down a little.

For example, if I’ve spent an afternoon baring my soul to someone or a group of people, I retreat into myself afterward, almost as if to regenerate after giving away so much of myself.

I’ve learned it’s healthy to spend time alone and turn within. But as a former hermit, I try to recognize patterns that lead me to shut people out, as this can create walls where they would otherwise be opportunities to give and receive love.

I suspect we all shut down from to time, particularly when we feel emotionally raw and exposed. But the minute we close ourselves off from other people may be two minutes before a life-changing connection or experience.

So I propose a challenge, for me and for you: keep your heart open a little longer than you’re tempted to today. Stay accessible, for even just a few minutes more than you ordinarily would. Keep engaging, even if you’ve shared a lot. Keep listening, even if you’ve heard a lot. Let yourself linger in that vulnerably open place.

Sometimes we learn and gain the most from the moments that are the most uncomfortable.

Photo by angrylambie1

October 2, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: Choose to Be a Hero

“A hero is a man who does what he can.” -Romain Rolland

Two weeks ago, a group of brave bystanders in Utah banded together to lift a burning car and save a man trapped beneath it.

In 2009, a passenger on Northwest Flight 253 leapt onto a burning man to prevent him from detonating an explosive device on Christmas Day.

Four years ago, a 50-year old man threw himself onto the subway tracks in Manhattan, just as a train was arriving, to save a man who had fallen after having a seizure.

These men and women all had one thing in common: they were ordinary people, just like you and me, and they decided in an instant to do something heroic.

According to renowned psychologist Dr. Phil Zimbardo, famous for his Stanford prison experiment, we can all be heroes—and it doesn’t require us to put our lives at risk.

Dr. Zimbardo has dedicated his career to studying the darker side of human nature to understand what causes some people to act kindly and others to act cruelly. His research has revealed that we all have the potential for good and bad, and it’s largely influenced by our situations.

So what exactly makes a hero? Simply put, a hero is someone who chooses not to watch and wait in the face of a crisis.

A hero puts compassion into action by helping someone in need—whether it’s a friend or a stranger.

A hero decides to speak out against injustice, instead of assuming someone else will do it.

A hero supports the causes that matter to him or her, without expecting reward.

It’s easy to feel powerless when it comes to righting the biggest wrongs in our world. But stronger than our fear that we can’t make a difference is our instinct to try.

Today I commit to doing what I can—being there for those who need me, standing up for what I believe in, and choosing not to ignore my instincts when I feel that something isn’t right.

How will you be a hero?

Photo by merick.fightBoredom

September 27, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: When You Fear Making Mistakes

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” -Elbert Hubbard

The other day I read that most of our fears can be boiled down to a fear of inadequacy, and, consequently, rejection. I know this is true for me.

When I feel a sense of panic about the potential to fail, it’s really more about being seen as a failure. When I make mistakes without witnesses, assuming the mistakes don’t cause me immense discomfort, I generally rebound fairly quickly. It’s almost like a tree falling the wrong way in the woods–if no one sees it, did it even happen at all?

I suspect this is true for most of us. A stumble that no one saw isn’t nearly as mortifying as a stumble with an audience.

When you factor in assumptions about other people’s judgment, suddenly a mistake seems like more than a poor decision; it seems like an admission of weakness. It seems less about our choice in a moment and more about our character on the whole.

But there’s something ironic about fearing judgment for being fallible, since this is something we all have in common. If we can just embrace our vulnerability and accept that our mistakes don’t define us, they can lead to a greater sense of meaning and connection.

Most of the purpose-driven people I’ve met feel motivated by the need to help people with struggles they’ve already faced. Because we err and hurt, we can feel for other people and do our part to help ease their pain. And because we know we’re fallible, we learn to be humble, which helps us appreciate and forgive.

There’s no denying that there are some mistakes that we wouldn’t make if we could re-live those moments. But the reality is that’s never an option. All we can ever do is make the smartest, bravest choice based on what we know in this moment.

The bravest choice is to do what we really want to do, regardless of who might see and form opinions. It might not always feel comfortable to risk being seen as inadequate, but the alternative is to risk feeling partially alive.

Photo by Wonderlane

September 21, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: Are You Afraid of Success?

“Success will never be a big step in the future; success is a small step taken just now.” ~Jonatan Mårtensson

We often talk about releasing the fear of failure to create motivation and momentum, but I’ve found that there’s another obstacle that can keep us from taking risks: the fear of success.

Success in any pursuit requires responsibility. At one point, I decided this was one thing I didn’t want. I didn’t want people to depend on me. I didn’t want to create conditions in my life that I needed to maintain with consistency, both in effort and earning.

I wanted the freedom to drop everything in a heartbeat so that I never had to feel trapped. This felt safe to me. If I never chose to rise too high, I’d never have to fall too far if I messed up; I’d never had to worry about disappointing anyone; and I’d never have to consider that maybe I didn’t deserve any attention or acclaim I might receive.

Perhaps you can relate. Maybe a part of you feels resistant to the changes that might ensue if you advance professionally or personally. Maybe you’re afraid that you’re not good enough, which makes you want to sabotage yourself when opportunity arises. Or maybe you just plain don’t want things to be any different than they are now.

If the last one is true—you truly don’t want to lose the weight, or get the job, or start the business, or whatever it is that success might mean to someone else—then you’re in a good place. You’re not afraid of success; you’re simply content with the way things are.

But if you are scared, and somewhere inside you a quiet voice is begging for growth, you owe it to yourself to question what’s really holding you back.

We all deserve to live lives that feel passionate and purposeful. And the world needs for us to find the courage to do the things we want to do—not because we’re chasing success, but because we want to make a difference, and we know we deserve and can handle whatever that entails.

My success is learning and writing every day, regardless of how Tiny Buddha grows. What is success to you—and are you going for it?

Photo by Frames-of-Mind

August 29, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: When It’s Time to Stop Hoping

“The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope.” -Samuel Johnson

You’ll find lots of inspiring posts that suggest you hold onto hope against all odds and push through difficult times with your eye on a light down the road. This isn’t one of them. Sometimes hope is a beautiful thing. It can motivate, empower, and inspire you when you’re tempted to give up. But other times it just keeps you stuck.

When you push through today for a better tomorrow, without doing anything to create that new possibility, your hope creates the illusion of change to come.

When you hold onto the past, hoping to revive a relationship, situation, or time that’s come and gone, your hope precludes even better possibilities in the present.

When you hope you’ll someday know happiness—when you get the right relationship, the right job, the right adventure—your hope allows you to avoid reality. And it makes it unlikely that you’ll ever know happiness since hope for something else is the only way you know to experience it.

We all want to feel happy. We all want to avoid feeling pain. That’s what makes hope so exciting. It divorces us from the moment and projects us immediately into something better.

It allows us the freedom to close our eyes and imagine a world far better than the one we think we know. Hope is comforting, but not always empowering. Hope may give you possibilities in tomorrow, but belief gives you possibilities now.

When you believe you can be happy regardless of what you gain or achieve, you open your eyes and find reasons to feel and share joy.

When you believe you can have something better, you take responsibility for creating it, starting in this moment.

When you believe you’re complete, even if you don’t feel good in any given moment, you challenge yourself to think beyond your emotions, and remember the larger picture.

You can hope yourself into a corner, waiting for tomorrow to improve. Or you can believe your way onto center stage, and create that tomorrow you want. It starts right now.

Photo by reggie35

August 18, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: Certainty Is an Illusion

“More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity.” -Francois Gautier

Last week, I wrote a post about making difficult decisions, which incorporated 30 ideas from the Tiny Buddha Facebook community. The experience of writing it and reading the comments reminded me how certainty can sometimes silence our strongest instincts–when, ironically, certainty is always an illusion.

The secure job could become obsolete. The dependable friend could move away. The stable relationship could run its course.

None of the things that seem secure and safe are guaranteed to endure–not forever, or for any length of time, for that matter. The nature of life is that everything moves and changes, ebbs and flows, with beginnings, middles, and ends.

We don’t get to know what will end when. We don’t get to know how long things will last. We can play the odds, try to align ourselves with probability for maximum longevity, comfort, and ease. Or we can instead focus on the possibilities that excite us and enjoy the journey to and through them, one moment at a time.

We can either make what seems to be the best choice for minimal loss and change; or we can get clear about what we want to do with the short amount of time we have, and then embrace the unknown, with our passion as a compass, finding our way as we go.

The irony about choosing the path that seems the most certain is that it generally guarantees only one thing: that we go through life wondering how things could have been if only we weren’t so scared.

Today if you find yourself clinging to something that feels predictable and safe, ask yourself: Are these the moments I want to remember when I look back on my life some day?

Photo by kelp1966

August 14, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: How You Know You’re on the Right Track

“If you are never scared, embarrassed, or hurt, it means you never take chances.” -Julia Soul

If you think you may have made mistakes, you are probably on the right track. That means you’re doing things even though you’re not perfect at them, which is the only way to learn and grow.

If you think you may have looked stupid, you are probably on the right track. That means you’re letting yourself be vulnerable, which is the only way to fully experience something new.

If you think you may have said the wrong thing, you are probably on the right track. That means you’re talking to people you don’t feel completely comfortable around, which opens you up to new relationships and possibilities.

If you think you may have failed, you are probably on the right track. That means you put yourself out there, instead of waiting for the perfect time, which doesn’t actually exist.

If you think you may have blown your one opportunity, you are probably wrong.

This is what keeps us from taking risks: the fear that we may somehow suffer for trying and doing poorly. Not just that we’ll experience uncomfortable feelings, but that we’ll ruin our only chance.

We’ll have countless chances in our lives, if we’re willing to take them. We’ll have limitless possibilities to seize, if we remember all those uncomfortable feelings are worth the possible rewards.

Today if you find you feel scared, embarrassed, hurt, or vulnerable, remember: feelings eventually fade, but what you create in spite of them can change your life forever.

Buddha image via Shutterstock

July 19, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: On Being Bold When You’re Scared

“Begin, be bold, and venture to be wise.” -Horace

Have you ever heard the phrase “Feel the fear and do it anyway”? The first time I heard this, I immediately thought, “How?” How exactly do you push yourself to do something when everything in your body tells you not to do it?

If I practiced blind allegiance to corporate slogans, I might tell myself to “just do it.” But I’ve noticed that this is not sufficient for me. What helps me is to understand and chip away at the mental barriers in my way.

It’s only when we break down those barriers that we’re able to learn and grow. Otherwise, we’re merely pushing through resistance, instead of reprogramming when, what, and how we resist.

The big one that comes to mind, for me, is public speaking. The other day I seriously considered canceling a commitment for September because my resistance is almost palpable. Though I did some speaking in my early 20s, I have grown less comfortable in the spotlight.

I realized there is one main cause: When I write, I feel like I’m sharing myself, as part of a community of people all doing the same thing. When I stand in front of a room, I feel like I’m lecturing people, as opposed to making them part of the conversation. It feels more like performing than engaging. And I don’t want to perform. I want to really connect.

Now that I’ve recognized that massive main barrier, I don’t need to merely push through the fear–I can reframe the thoughts that create it, and in that way, somewhat assuage it. I can decide that speaking isn’t performing, but rather starting a conversation, and one that might be even more powerful since it allows for face-to-fact interaction.

The truth is that I am still scared, but I now have some fuel to push through it, and that’s a lot more helpful than merely telling myself to do it. Now it’s not about will; it’s about motivation.

Today if you find yourself struggling to do something you know you want to do, ask yourself: What am I really afraid of? And how can I reframe the situation to emphasize the rewards of acting regardless?

Photo by rapidacid

July 18, 2011
Tiny Wisdom: How Criticism Helps You Excel

“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” -Aristotle

No matter what you’re trying to do, someone somewhere has a harsh opinion.

Maybe it’s a virtual stranger. Since the advent of the Internet, people can easily vent their judgments behind a cloak of anonymity. Most of the world’s successful people have a Google trail laced with negativity.

Or maybe it’s someone who’s supposed to have faith in you—your father doubts your aptitude for the legal profession, or your friend thinks your singing belongs in the shower.

Either way, it hurts. And you may lose steam as a result.

Don’t.

Barbra Streisand’s mother told her she wasn’t pretty enough to be an actress and her voice was inadequate, to boot.

Peers criticized Albert Einstein about everything from his looks to his intelligence as a child, yet he grew up to become the father of modern physics.

Many people in France considered Gustav Eiffel’s tower design an eyesore and wanted it torn down.

“They” aren’t always right.

If you come against criticism today, realize it’s a gift. Whether it’s a valid suggestion to help you improve, or a harsh judgment that reminds you to develop a thicker skin, it can help you get closer to your dreams.

*This is an updated version of a post from September, 2009. Photo by Jen and a Camera.

July 4, 2011