Author: Lori Deschene

5 Rules for Life

When I first sat down to write this piece for 5 Rules for Life, I wrote “Live without rules” five times, each followed by a reason to keep your approach to life flexible.

The way you live is largely a reflection of where you’ve been, who you’ve been, and the beliefs you’ve formed. Who am I to create a cookie-cutter hard-and-fast code that makes sense for everyone?

That’s when I realized I’d need to make a sixth rule to introduce these ideas: judge my words, and anyone else’s, against your own reason and moral code.

Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.”

The Dalai Lama echoed that sentiment with, “The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.”

Be critical. I invite it. These ideas help me, and they may or may not help you.

With that, I give you five guidelines that have helped me feel happy, fulfilled, and meaningful: (more…)

November 29, 2009
Assume the Best

“We must never assume that which is incapable of proof.” ~Unknown

You can never truly know someone else’s intentions.

If a coworker offers to cover your shift, she may be trying to ease your stress—or she could be vying for your job. If your sister-in-law offers to pay for your meal, she may want to help you out during tough times—of she could be trying to remind you that you’re inferior.

You can always find a negative assumption that allows you to believe the worst in people. Or you can give that person the benefit of the doubt and believe they have your best interests at heart.

When you assume someone is being kind and not selfish, you may occasionally be wrong, but for the most part you’ll feel appreciative and peaceful with the people in your life. The alternative is to believe people are bad, seek and find proof everywhere, and walk around feeling bitter and critical.

When you have no proof, it’s a judgment call: assume the best and feel good and grateful, or assume the worst and feel bad and suspicious. (more…)

November 27, 2009
Review and Giveaway: The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World
Update: The winners have already been chosen for this giveaway:
- Cynthia Atkins
- Kevin Costillo
- Tracey Sullivan
- Stephanie (@Omgitsafox)
- Brenda Sue
Is it possible to be happy in a world marred by prejudice, violence, and global disharmony—in a time when people often feel isolated from their communities, even in the most heavily populated places?

That’s the main question presented in The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World; and the answer is a resounding yes.

The fourteenth Dalai Lama has known tremendous adversity in his lifetime—having been exiled from his homeland of Tibet when communist China invaded in 1959—and yet he still believes that human nature is intrinsically good.

But that’s not the crux of The Art of Happiness; it’s far more than just Buddhist wisdom.

The book follows a series of conversations between psychiatrist Dr. Howard C. Cutler and His Holiness, creating a guideline for happiness that reflects eastern philosophy without ignoring western reality. (more…)
November 23, 2009
40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah

Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes.

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are some ways to get started: (more…)

November 19, 2009
Let Go

“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

Maybe your life doesn’t look like you want it but you’re not sure how to change it or even if you can, so you feel hopeless, frustrated, and even a little bitter.

Or maybe someone hurt you so deeply that you don’t know if you can trust them anymore, so you feel angry, defensive, and indignant.

Every day we can find a million and one reasons to feel discouraged, or incompetent, or vulnerable, or harried—all things that hurt when we hold them inside like a tight fist we refuse to unclench. And yet we do it anyway.

Until we decide to stop. (more…)

November 17, 2009
Project Happiness: Believing in the Good in People

“Make finding the good in others a priority.” ~Zig Ziglar

One of the most exciting parts of writing about happiness is getting the opportunity to connect with people who make sharing joy a priority.

If you’re looking for it, you’ll find positive people everywhere—in your office, along your morning commute, on blogs you follow, and within your Twitter stream. They won’t be the only type of person you see; there are plenty of people out there who walk around holding onto a lot of pain, and knowingly or unknowingly spread it.

But an uplifting person—someone who believes in the good in people—shines a light on the potential we all have inside us to hope, believe, and inspire. A light bright enough to offer a different perspective on those other people who seem so negative. Suddenly, judgment and fear melt into understanding and compassion.

That’s what Project Happiness is all about: making happiness a real possibility for all.

Their main purpose is to provide students with tools and wisdom, based on positive psychology and neuro-scientific research, to create authentic happiness. They work hands-on with kids of all ages, empowering them to feel good about themselves so they can handle life’s hurdles.

When Rolando Sandor emailed me with an invitation to attend the Project Happiness Cirque de Happiness event this Saturday, I couldn’t have been more excited. Honestly, I didn’t know a thing about the non-profit; I just knew “Cirque de” anything had to be a fun, spectacular event. (more…)

November 15, 2009
Take a Small Step

“I could never make a living while traveling the world; it’s just not realistic.”

“My guitar won’t pay the bills. People think I’m crazy for trying.”

“I don’t have the money to go back to school. I’m stuck in this dead-end temp job.”

Most people dream of doing something that gives them a sense of excitement and purpose. Only some people believe in the possibility of that meaningful, exciting reality. Even fewer people pursue those goals in the face of adversity and discouragement.

Belief in possibility and the willingness to try can mean the difference between feeling alive and feeling stuck. Even if you don’t get where you’re headed, believing you can and working toward your dream is more powerful than you realize.

The woman who spends her days going to auditions—she may not be a famous actress, but she’s an actress who could find work, work that may lead to opportunities she can’t even imagine.

The man who wants to bike across the US someday—every hour he devotes to training increases his chances of achieving his goal. Every time he dots an i on his dream-to-do list, he’s one step closer to actually doing what some people say he can’t.

There will always be people who doubt you, people who think you should do what’s easy, customary, and reasonable. Sometimes you may even be one of those people. Don’t think about them today. Instead, think about one simple step. (more…)

November 1, 2009
7 Reasons to Be Happy Even if Things Aren’t Perfect Now

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” ~Unknown

Even though I couldn’t possibly care less about oil-based raincoats, I listened to him talk for about fifteen minutes one rainy morning last week.

This little guy, with his colorful button-down shirt and funny-looking hat makes my day most mornings. He works at the 7-11 where I get my coffee. And he always seems happy.

At first I thought he was just putting on a good face, making the best of a tough situation. After all, he couldn’t possibly enjoy working at a convenience store, right?

Then I realized I was missing the biggest part of his appeal: he does enjoy his job, and that’s why he seems so happy—because he is.

Man, that’s awesome. I aim to be like him.

My life doesn’t always look exactly like I want it to. I spend many days writing alone in my living room when I’d rather work from a beachside office space I share with friends. I drive a beat-up old Toyota when I’d far prefer something that doesn’t have roll-up windows or a cassette player.

But the world doesn’t change all that much if I have more money, a different space, a better job, or a nicer car. The wrapping paper is different, but the gift inside stays the same.

The way I feel about myself, how much I open myself to new people and experiences, how often I choose to smile simply because it feels good—none of these things depend on my life situation. Colorful shirt guy knows that. I suspect he knows these things, too: (more…)

October 26, 2009
See and Tell

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” ~Voltaire

There are a lot of impressive people in the world. Some innovate and invent things that help masses of people. Some use art to tell powerful stories that move viewers to action.

Others make the world a better place by being helpful within their own sphere of influence, however small or large it may be.

Those little things define people.

The way your neighbor asks how you’re doing and really listens for the answer. How your coworker supports your ideas and gives you encouragement to see them through. The way your sister makes your house a better place by staying calm when others seem stressed.

These are all acts of greatness that affect other people, whether they notice or not.

Noticing is a powerful act.

A compliment rooted in truth creates more than just a smile. It shows someone you see the good in them, independent of what they achieve. It tells them they not only matter, they really make a difference—something we all hope to do.

Tell someone what you see today. Let them know how simply being them makes a difference in your world. Life looks a lot brighter when you open your eyes to the light in people around you.

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October 19, 2009
Say No

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

As children we’re taught to just say no, and we do it with abandon.

Want to come inside and get ready for dinner? No! Want to shut off the TV and go grocery shopping? No! Want to wear the glittery holiday sweater grandma bought you last year? You know where this is going.

Then we get older and learn about etiquette. We get that sometimes we need to do things that we don’t want to. We understand that other people’s feelings matter and we need to consider them before making decisions.

What we don’t always learn is how to find a balance between doing for others and doing for ourselves.

We say we value our time, but it’s difficult when we field a million requests through voicemail, email, IM, and text.

We know we need to hold our ground if we want to be productive—or stay sane—but we don’t want to disappoint anyone, or even worse, leave them hanging when they need us. (more…)

October 16, 2009
Be Your Purpose Now

“The secret to success is constancy to purpose.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

Most of us want to be successful, if not in monetary terms, then by our own definitions.

We want to feel a sense of meaning, to do something worthwhile that we can be proud of. Something that matters to people. Something that will live on after we do.

We often get so caught up in becoming who we want to be that we miss on being those people right now.

We get so focused on striving—getting things done, crossing items off the to-do list—that we forget to simply enjoy that purpose that matters so much. We approach tasks like races, anxious to reach the finish line. And then move onto the next item—get just one foot closer to that dream.

Sometimes when we move closer through achievements, we move further away in passion. (more…)

October 13, 2009
Interpret Differently

“Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” ~William Shakespeare

Research indicates lottery winners are no happier than people who didn’t win, and in many cases, become depressed in the years following their win.

Scientists have surmised that we all have a baseline level of happiness—a range of joy we’ll stay within regardless of our external circumstances. The greatest factor in determining this joy is our mental attitude.

If you’d like to alter your baseline, instead of trying to change your circumstances, change the way you interpret them.

It sounds much easier said than done because it is. If you’ve always seen the glass as half-empty, you likely won’t transform into a positive thinker overnight. But you can take one simple step toward more positive thinking.

Pay special attention today to the way you react to things that happen to you. Acknowledge negative situations, and then realize you don’t have to respond negatively. You may even be able to see it as a blessing in disguise. (more…)

October 8, 2009
10 Ways I Know There’s Nothing Wrong with You (or Me)

“On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a joyous energy behind what you do.” ~Eckhart Tolle

At seventeen I had it all. I made straight As, was the vice president of the Honor Society, held two jobs, took the lead in four community theater performances, and joined Donnie Osmond onstage as part of the children’s chorus in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

I was busy. I did things well. I got attention. I was ready to snap.

I was so hungry for success and approval I’d do anything to get it, even if it meant exhausting and dehydrating myself straight to the ER.

What’s worse, I was continually dissatisfied with everything I did. I was my own punching bag.

Thirteen years later I don’t do nearly as much. I don’t take any classes. I don’t work much at the moment. I don’t perform anymore. On the other side of overexertion, I’ve still beaten myself up.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up—there’s something wrong with me.

I live across the country from my family and haven’t justified it by becoming a massive success—there’s something wrong with me.

I’m obsessed with self-improvement, but I’m still not perfect—there’s something wrong with me.

Stop. Revelation. Cue the spotlight: There’s nothing wrong with me.

And there’s nothing wrong with you.

Here’s how I know both of these statements are true:

1. You’re playing the game of life as best you know how and trying to get better every day.

You can’t possibly do someone else’s best, so there’s no point in stressing about it.

2. You make mistakes like everyone else, which allows you to learn as you go.

That means you’re doing what you should be.

3. You’re unique, whether you’re introverted or outgoing, book smart or street smart, creative or technical…

…the list goes on and on. You’re the world’s only opportunity to know a person just like you. The only hope to share what only you can.

4. There’s no such thing as the way you should be.

If you do what you enjoy and don’t harm other people, you’re living a beautiful life.

5. You will never become someone—you are someone right now…

…whether you influence millions of people or mean the world to just one person. Your impact is powerful, whether you realize it or not.

6. If someone hurts you, you don’t deserve it.

No one does. End of conversation.

7. You feel emotions and respond to them.

That’s the way this whole humanity thing works. If you could stand to improve the way you respond, newsflash: everyone could.

8. You have a pulse right now, and it’s your choice what you do with it.

There’s no right or wrong answer. (Unless what you want is to maim a puppy or something equally perverse.)

9. You choose what you think is best, or else you wouldn’t choose it.

As you get new information and grow stronger and smarter, you’ll make different choices.

10. You are beautiful, inside and out.

I’ve printed this out and put it in my nightstand where I can read it when I get hard on myself. I hope it gives you comfort when you start thinking there’s a good reason to not enjoy right now.

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October 5, 2009
Act Your Shoe Size

“A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.” ~Bill Vaughn

You have bills, obligations, and responsibilities.

And there are people who mean something to you: people who believe in you who you’d like to make proud, people who don’t believe in you who you’d like to prove wrong.

You have things you want to accomplish, both for you and your family. Things you want to experience to feel you’ve lived a full life. Things that keep you caught in a place in your head where now feels like no more than a vehicle to a better tomorrow.

Those people and things aren’t going anywhere. You can.

You can go to a place where anything seems possible. Where you see what’s right in front of you and fully enjoy it without stressing about something that happened or hasn’t happened yet.

A place where appearances don’t seem so important—so you play, and act silly, and ask questions, and respond honestly, without censoring or judging your feelings.

A place where you feel good doing things that make you happy, no matter how long they’ll last, because they make you smile right now.

You can’t go back to three years old—and you probably wouldn’t want to—but you can tap into all that joy.

Take recess today.

Give yourself permission to stop worrying and striving. Just be where you are. Focus on the wonder of something simple. Create something and have fun—do it just to have fun. Be curious, and playful, and easily impressed, and open. Even if just for a while.

A small break and a small shift in thinking can make a significant difference.

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September 30, 2009
Log Changes

“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice.” ~R.D.Laing

Have you ever noticed a new business on your route to work only to later learn it’s been there for weeks?

Somehow in the hustle and bustle of your morning routine, you missed an obvious change to your environment. It happens—and often on a much smaller scale.

As we do what we always do, we tend to focus on things we always see and as a result, think the way we always think. Even if you’re the most interesting person in the universe, your world will start to feel stale and dull if you lose sight of what’s in front of you.

There’s a whole lot of change to notice and appreciate, even if you’ve never left your hometown.

New leaves on a tree. A new chill in the air. New neighbors. New excitement at your local playground. New businesses, and billboards, and new solutions to problems. A new bounce in your mother’s step. New energy in your office. New passion within your friends. New perspectives on things that didn’t even change.

Open your eyes just a little wider. You may notice a new layer of beauty in a routine that stays the same.

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September 28, 2009
Unstrange a Stranger

“Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend, or a meaningful day.” ~Dalai Lama

Some sociologists argue that weak ties, the type you form with colleagues and online friends, for example, are the bane of modern life.

Instead of having meaningful conversations that bring us closer to people, we spend much of our time networking with a vast sea of strangers. We keep many interactions peripheral, failing to form the type of intimacy that benefits us emotionally and even physically.

A recent New York Magazine article titled Alone Together challenged this idea since weak ties create possibilities for new and deeper connections.

Seize those possibilities.

Let your guard down. Talk to someone you don’t really know right from your heart. Don’t anticipate hurt or awkwardness. Just be you, in that beautiful way only you can, and give them the chance to open up, as well.

When you believe in people instead of responding in fear, they often surprise and amaze you.

Not everyone will see you. Appreciate you. Get you. But you never know which acquaintance could turn into a friend that feels like home.

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September 25, 2009
Tiny Buddha Launch Contest Winners

It’s been an exciting couple of days since we first launched! Without further ado, here are the winners of the launch contest:

Amanda Ryan will receive:

-How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life, the Dalai Lama
-The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle
-Peace is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Every Day Life, Thich Nhat Hanh
-A yoga mat
-A tiny buddha statue
-Tea Starter Kit by Kevin Rose, sold at Samovar Tea Lounge

Suzy Arbet, Mark Dell, Chelsea Tatum, Michael Stanziano and Erica Torres will each receive:

-How to Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life, the Dalai Lama
-A tiny buddha statue

Check back regularly for more wisdom and giveaways. Also, let us know if you have any feedback about the site, or a blog post to share that ties into one of the daily quotes. We’re just a message away at email @ tinybuddha.com.

September 10, 2009
Worry Serves No Useful Purpose

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” ~Eckhart Tolle

Tomorrow is my thirtieth birthday. For two hours earlier this evening, I felt certain I’d start the day hooked up to an IV in intensive care.

It all started two weeks ago when I visited my family. Shortly after I arrived home I began feeling chest pains, something I experienced frequently in my youth.

Back in the day, I spent hours in the high school nurse’s office while my peers were in lunch, study hall, or gym class. Though it was intense and frightening, I wonder, in retrospect, if my mind magnified the pain after the doctor called my damaged esophagus “pre-cancerous.” (more…)

September 8, 2009