Author: Lori Deschene

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Imperfect Days

    Tiny Wisdom: On Imperfect Days

    Balancing Rocks

    “Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” -Unknown

    There are far more reasons to be happy right now than there are valid excuses to wait for a better day. For starters, things will never be perfect. Just as everything lines up right with work, your relationship may get complicated. Just as you settle into a healthy relationship, your family might feel neglected.

    Life is a constant balancing act, and on most days, some things will work in our favor and other things will appear to be lacking. Perhaps true happiness comes not from creating the perfect balance of conditions but from finding a balance that doesn’t depend on it.

    Today if things appear to go wrong, hone in on what’s going right. Balancing requires a strong focus. We get to decide where to place it.

    Photo by James Jordan

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Honoring You

    Tiny Wisdom: On Honoring You

    “Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Hardy D. Jackson

    There is a big difference between being there for people and being inauthentic to please people. The irony is that we often do this for people we love thinking it’s what they want. It isn’t. They want our needs to be met, but they can’t know them unless we acknowledge and honor them ourselves.

    We are the ones who need to decide who we are and what it means to be true to ourselves; and we’re the ones who have to find the strength to walk away when something isn’t right.

    Only we can choose and leave our jobs. Only we can enter and end our relationships. Only we can decide when to go out, when to stay in, when to push, when to rest, when to try, and when to opt out. We can’t outsource our choices, but we can give ourselves permission to make them.

    What would it look like if you were completely true to yourself today, without judging yourself or compromising to make other people happy?

    Photo by IngridTaylar

  • 8 Ways to Turn Disappointment into Meaningful Success

    8 Ways to Turn Disappointment into Meaningful Success

    “Don’t let today’s disappointment cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dream.” ~Unknown

    Have you ever looked back on your life, exactly a year ago, and felt amazed by how much has changed?

    Last year at this time, I’d only just started this site and I was competing in a blogging contest. Ignite Social Media, the marketing company behind the mood supplement SAM-e, had come up with a clever crowdsourcing campaign to generate awareness for the product.

    In the beginning of the fall, they advertised a contest to win a dream blogging job. The winner would get a six-month contract to write one short daily “good mood” blog post—as well asa new laptop and $5,000 per month, totaling $30,000.

    In order to win, candidates needed to get enough votes to be in the top twenty—out of close to a thousand people—and then needed to get even more votes in a second round that involved a video.

    At the time, I was still collecting unemployment after being laid off earlier in the year. I was also putting all my heart into building Tiny Buddha around the ideas of wisdom and happiness and running my old blog, Seeing Good.

    I knew Brigitte Dale was in the running. In case you aren’t familiar, Brigitte Dale is a popular vlogger who used to make videos for ABC Family. I wasn’t certain if I—or anyone—had a chance up against a bona fide web celeb who could clearly bring in big traffic for SAM-e. And then there was her obvious charm—even I fell in love with her watching her videos.

    Still, I was going to do everything in my power to try. The judges said ultimately they would choose the winner, regardless of who had the most votes, so I reasoned that it was anyone’s opportunity to earn. (more…)

  • 30 Things to Appreciate About You

    30 Things to Appreciate About You

    “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

    Depending on where you’re from, you may celebrate Thanksgiving today. You might get together with your family over a massive gravy-drenched feast. You might celebrate with a chosen family of friends, with traditional food, vegan fare, or a nontraditional fast food spread.

    Regardless of who surrounds you today or what meal you all share together, you’ll likely reflect upon your blessings, as we tend to do at this time of year.

    You might announce them as you all take turns at the table, or you might blog about them, tweet them, or simply acknowledge them mentally in a moment of silent gratitude.

    There are lots of ways to do this whole appreciation thing, and just as many wonderful things to be grateful for in life.

    Today, as you take time to acknowledge all the fortunate parts of your circumstances—your health, the food you eat, the freedoms you enjoy, the job that provides for you, and the people you love—I recommend taking some time to appreciate something that often goes unrecognized.

    Take some time today to appreciate yourself.

    I’m not talking about appreciating the miracle of life, although it’s obviously an awesome thing. I’m talking about actually appreciating all the good things you’ve done for yourself and the world.

    This may seem somewhat ego-driven, but take a minute to think about how valuable your actions are, both for you and other people.

    All of our relationships depend upon our relationship with ourselves. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t possibly love someone else. If you don’t respect yourself, you likely won’t make respectable choices. If you don’t value your time, you probably won’t use your time in a way you might deem valuable.

    The way you treat yourself dictates how you’ll treat the world around you. So today I say we should all recognize all the good we each do each day. While rattling off physical things and conditions that we deem to be positive, we should take a moment to celebrate the person who also weathers the negative.

    Here are a few things to appreciate about yourself today.

    The Good Things You Do for You

    1. You let yourself learn new things, which helps you grow and contribute to the world.

    2. You do good things for your body, like exercising and eating healthy foods (even if not always).

    3. You honor your life by making healthcare a priority.

    4. You take time away from work to simply be, which allows you to feel balanced.

    5. You bounce back from bad days and disappointments.

    6. You do what’s right for you, even if it’s not easy to say no to other people (and even if you occasionally people-please).

    7. You choose to be around people who make you feel good about yourself.

    8. You work toward goals that make you feel passionate and purposeful.

    9. You smile, which benefits both you and the people around you.

    10. You give yourself the sleep you need to feel energized and balanced each day (even though you sometimes you don’t get enough shut eye).

    The Good Things You Do for Other People

    1. You have good intentions.

    2. You accept people for who they are and try to keep an open mind.

    3. You make people laugh, whether you have a dry humor, an acerbic wit, or a class-clown personality.

    4. You listen to the people when they need an ear.

    5. You’re compassionate toward other people.

    6. You make selfless decisions to look out for the people you love, even if not always.

    7. You forgive people when they make mistakes, even if sometimes it’s hard.

    8. You vocalize it when you notice something you value, admire, or appreciate in someone else.

    9. You help other people reach their potential.

    10. You’re honest with people, even if sometimes vulnerability feels scary.

    The Good Things You Do for the World

    1. You care about your work, or something you do outside it, and you do it passionately.

    2. You want to make a difference.

    3. You vote to create positive change.

    4. You recycle to preserve our natural resources.

    5. You choose not to litter.

    6. If you’re a parent, you’re shaping the next generation.

    7. You give back, whether that means volunteering, donating old clothes, or simply helping a stranger in need.

    8. You call for help when you see something potentially hazardous.

    9. You teach something valuable to someone every day, whether you realize it or not.

    10. You make positive changes in yourself—and being the change you want to see is the best way to change the world.

    And one last one: You’re great, you’re wonderful, and everybody likes you. (Okay, so that one was Rodney Dangerfield, but it felt apropos!)

    These ideas might not all resonate with you, but I’m sure the majority are true. Today, as you take inventory of all the things you appreciate, remember that you play a prominent role on many other people’s lists.

    One final request: because you are that valuable person who does so many good things in the world, I would appreciate knowing you. It’s a funny thing running a blog. I know there are thousands of people reading, and yet there are so many people who have never commented.

    I do this to connect with you. Knowing you makes it all worthwhile.

    Say hello in the comments if you get a chance, and share a little something about you. I’d be grateful to make your acquaintance!

    Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

    *Update: Since I wrote this post, I launched a gratitude journal/coloring book that people seem to be really enjoying! If you’re interested, you can learn more here.

  • Tiny Wisdom: On What We Create

    Tiny Wisdom: On What We Create

    Buddha

    “Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy.” ~Milton Erickson

    It’s inevitable we’ll hurt in life, and in it’s inevitable we’ll want more of the good times, less of the bad, and more control over the distribution.

    We can’t change that pain is a part of life, but we can choose to  be responsible for joy instead of sitting around waiting for it, wondering when someone will change or something will change and happiness will seem less elusive.

    We can do the things we love a little every day. And tell the people we love how we feel every day. And try something that scares us every day. We can live bold, passionate lives by deciding to be bold and passionate, right now.

    Every day won’t be easy, but on any moment we can let go and start anew.

    What can you do today to create joy for yourself and the people around you?

    Photo by h.koppdelaney

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being Aware

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being Aware

    “Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” ~James Thurber

    When you focus your attention on what’s in front of you, yesterday’s problems feel a lot less catastrophic and tomorrow’s uncertainty seems a lot less scary.

    It’s not easy to live in the now because obsessing over yesterday and stressing about tomorrow can seem like gaining control. If only you can analyze yesterday enough, maybe you can make sense of it. If only you can plan for tomorrow enough, maybe you can decide what will happen.

    Except neither of those things are universally true.

    There will never come a time when we feel completely done with the past or secure with the future, but eventually we have to consent to let it all go regardless.

    We can either use our hours thinking about the ones that have past and the ones that are coming, or we can dig our heels into the moment and choose not to let it slip away. Because it will, as will the next, and the next, and the next until eventually they run out.

    Today, if you find yourself rehashing, assessing, or worrying, ask yourself this question: what would I gain if I sacrificed the illusion of control and instead rooted myself firmly in the now?

    Photo by darkpatator

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Choosing

    Tiny Wisdom: On Choosing

    “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them.” ~Denis Waitley

    Sometimes complaining, stressing, analyzing, and fantasizing can seem proactive, but they don’t actually change anything. Visualizing or planning may help you take action, but nothing changes unless you actually do.

    Today if you feel aggravated with your circumstances ask yourself these questions: Am I willing to do something to change them? And if not, what can I do to enjoy today instead of dwelling and letting it slip away?

    Photo by joiseyshowaa

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Envy

    Tiny Wisdom: On Envy

    “You can’t be envious and happy at the same time.” ~Frank Tyger

    When you’re fixated on everything someone else has that you lack, it’s near impossible to notice and appreciate everything that’s working in your favor. There’s always something, even if you’re not where you’d like to be professionally, romantically, socially, or personally.

    You’ll get there–that doesn’t change that now is a perfect time to be happy.

    Envy is a disease of resentful dissatisfaction. Gratitude is not only the antidote–it’s also a choice to accept and enjoy your world as it is.

    Photo by D Sharon Pruitt

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being You

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being You

    “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” -E.E. Cummings

    It can be difficult to be true to yourself if you have no idea who you are.

    So often we identify with who we’ve been in the past, holding onto bad memories and assuming they have to define us. Or we think about who we should be—things we want to have, how to we want to be perceived, and how we want to be remembered.

    We attach to things and people, as if they are a part of us, and then feel disjointed when someone leaves or something changes.

    Those things aren’t who we are. We are not what we own. We are not who we have been. We are not what other people judge us to be. Who we are on any given day is the result of what we choose to think and do.

    Find the courage today to choose for you, no one else. Choose without stressing about what’s come and gone or worrying about what might be. Choose based on who you want to  be in the world today, and then honor that choice with your actions.

    What do you need to do today to be the person you want to be?

    photo by h.koppdelaney

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Ends & Beginnings

    Tiny Wisdom: On Ends & Beginnings

    “Letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.” -Unknown

    When you’ve loved every moment of an experience, it can feel like a death to watch it fade into yesterday.

    When a relationship ends, it might feel like you’ll never love or smile again. When a job ends, you might think you’ll never feel fulfilled in your work again.

    You will. Just like every experience is impermanent, every feeling eventually fades and morphs into something else. Happiness becomes sadness becomes happiness again.

    If you’re willing to let go of yesterday and stay open to possibilities today, you just may be surprised by how much you gain after a loss.

    What new world might you be creating today?

    Photo by Gabriel Rocha

  • 10 Happiness Tips for Busy People: How to Reclaim Your Joy

    10 Happiness Tips for Busy People: How to Reclaim Your Joy

    “Life is what happens while you are making other plans.” ~John Lennon

    I am someone who enjoys doing a lot of different things, and yet I don’t always enjoy being busy. Sometimes when my schedule gets full, I feel almost as if I’ve lost a part of me.

    Just like some people become codependent in relationships, I can be codependent with work. When it has my attention, everything else can easily fall to the wayside—my social life, my hobbies, you name it.

    It’s all too easy to get caught up in a riptide of doing without ever evaluating what you’re sacrificing, why, and if it’s actually in your best interest.

    Sometimes it is worth it, though you might need to make minor adjustments to enjoy the journey more. Other times you need to make major changes to experience the happiness you might think you’re chasing.

    Here’s what I’ve been doing to ensure my busy-ness doesn’t compromise my happiness:

    1. Assess just how busy you’re willing to be.

    Research indicates that a key indicator of happiness is the distance between the hours you’d like to work and the hours you actually do. If you don’t want to work more than forty hours per week because you have a hobby you’re passionate about, but you’re working over three hours more than that, you will inevitably feel dissatisfied.

    In some cases, this may be beyond your control. If you just can’t afford your mortgage unless you push yourself, that’s one thing. But sometimes you do have a choice; you just think it’s too difficult to make it. Downsizing or moving into a new place may seem like an unnecessary hassle, but it’s worth the uncomfortable transition if it allows you to do with your time as you’d like. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Forgiving

    Tiny Wisdom: On Forgiving

    Ocean and Sky

    “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” -Lewis B. Smedes

    Nothing hurts more than resentment. When you sit around reliving painful stories, feeling angry and justified, it doesn’t right past wrongs. It doesn’t teach people how to treat you. It doesn’t in any way heal you.

    All anger does is force you to relive a moment that’s come and gone. And all that dwelling can actually cause you emotional and physical disease—stress, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, stomach ulcers, and even heart attack.

    Every day we have a choice as to what we see in the world, and it starts in where we focus our thoughts. Forgiveness sets you free. It allows you to experience all the kindness in front of you without the weight of the hurtful behind you.

    Only we can open our eyes to what’s good in our today by releasing the bad in yesterday. What do you need to let go of today to create space for peace?

    photo by Atilla1000

  • How to Forgive Someone When It’s Hard: 30 Tips to Let Go of Anger

    How to Forgive Someone When It’s Hard: 30 Tips to Let Go of Anger

    “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

    Up until my early twenties, I carried around a lot of anger toward someone in my life. I’d been hurt by a person I trusted, and for a long time in my adolescence I wanted to hurt them back.

    I lived in painful stories and in visions of what could have been if I hadn’t been wronged. I blamed someone else for the life I didn’t have, and felt vindicated in the soul-sucking resentment I carried around from day to day.

    I realize it makes less compelling writing to talk so generally, but these stories aren’t only mine to tell. They involve someone I love and have since forgiven. So perhaps the kindest thing I can do both for them and me is not retell the story, but instead create a new one: a story about letting go.

    It’s a hard thing to do—to completely let go of something painful and forgive the person who may or may not have realized what they did. At my angriest point, I was convinced the person who hurt me did it with full intention and cruelty. I felt not a shred of compassion; just unadulterated pain and rage.

    Then I realized, unless someone is a sociopath, they are rarely without feeling. And if they’ve hurt another person, even if their ego prevents them from admitting it, odds are they feel remorse on some level.

    No one is purely bad, and everyone carries their own pain which influences the decisions they make. This doesn’t condone their thoughtless, insensitive, or selfish decisions, but it makes them easier to understand.

    After all, we’ve all been thoughtless, insensitive, and selfish at times. Usually, we have good intentions.

    And for the most part, we all do the best we can from day to day—even when we hurt someone; even when we’re too stubborn, ashamed, or in denial to admit the hurt we’ve caused.

    So how do you forgive someone when every fiber of your being resists? How do you look at them lovingly when you still have the memory of their unloving action? How do let go of the way you wish things had worked out if only they made a different choice? (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being at Peace

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being at Peace

    “When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.” -Peace Pilgrim

    We often think it’s the other way around—that if people around us were more peaceful, we’d be able to let go of many of our anxieties, fears, and struggles.

    No one else causes our emotions. We are the ones deciding how to respond to the world we experience. We are the ones who choose what goes on in our heads and hearts. And we are the ones who decide whether we focus on all the obstacles to peace or to take responsibility for creating it.

    Others may not always be peaceful; in fact, it’s a given that at any point in time, countless people will be in conflict, either with others or themselves. Learning to accept that is the first step toward knowing peace.

    photo by AlicePopkorn

  • 5 Ways to Push Through Discomfort to Make Positive Change

    5 Ways to Push Through Discomfort to Make Positive Change

    “Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

    One of the most difficult parts of reaching your goals or making positive change is pushing through discomfort.

    This is where a lot of people give up—when the process inspires all kinds of challenging feelings.

    If you’ve quit your day job to pursue your passion and after six months you need to sell your car to keep going, a cubicle may appeal to your need for security.

    If you’d like to get your masters degree but received rejection letters for the fall, your ego might tell you not to reapply.

    If you’d love to let someone into your life but you’re afraid of being hurt, you may bail at the first sign of conflict.

    Maybe your will is strong enough to clear emotional hurdles without flinching; but odds are, you’re at least a little familiar with that nagging inner voice that says, “Go back. It’s too hard. It’s not worth it.”

    Except it is. According to the video 212 degrees, the margin of victory for the last ten years in the Indy 500 has been 1.54 seconds. The margin of victory in all major golf tournaments in the last twenty-five years was only three strokes.

    The day you give up could easily be three strokes before you succeed. Even if your future doesn’t unfold exactly as you’d planned, you’ll never regret what you become through the process of following your bliss.

    Now it’s just about how. How do you separate yourself from your fears so they don’t sabotage your efforts? How do silence that inner voice and force yourself to keep taking step, after step, after step? Here’s what I’m working on now: (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Carrying Stress

    Tiny Wisdom: On Carrying Stress

    “Don’t let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries.” ~Astrid Alauda

    It’s an easy thing to do. Our bodies and minds are so connected that stress and worry can actually cause disease.

    We don’t have to be the victims of our anxieties. At any time, we can choose to alleviate the pressure.

    We can take a break at any time. We can disconnect at any time. We can call a friend at any time. We can cry at any time. We can move at any time. We can hug at any time. We can stop at any time. We can breathe at any time.

    Today, and this moment, is a perfect time to release the burden or your worries.

    Photo by lel4nd

  • Pema Chodron Retreat Giveaway

    Pema Chodron Retreat Giveaway

    Blessings

    Update: The winners have already been chosen for this giveaway. Subscribe to the Tiny Buddha List to learn about future contests!

    Last week, I received an email from the marketing team at Shambhala Publications informing me about the upcoming “Smile-at-Fear” retreat, to be hosted by Pema Chödrön.

    This three-day event, focused on wisdom from Pema’s teacher, Chögyam Trungpa, will take place in Richmond, California from October 15–17. Since Pema rarely hosts events of this nature, it sold out pretty quickly, but there’s still a chance to learn what she has to share.

    Shambhala Publishing has decided to bring the retreat to the virtual world so anyone can learn to develop a fearless heart. The online event includes:

    • Full access to the three-day event in real time, via live-streaming video feed
    • On-demand video access available for sixty days after the event ends
    • An edited video download available after the retreat
    • A discount coupon for 30% off the DVD edition
    • An e-book of Chögyam Trungpa’s Smile at Fear, the book on which the program is based (available as ePub, PDF, mobi)

    Though the virtual event costs $59.95, I was fortunate enough to receive forty free tickets, and I’d like to give them away to you! (more…)

  • Mindful Technology: Simplify Email & Reduce Inbox Stress

    Mindful Technology: Simplify Email & Reduce Inbox Stress

    Happy Girl with Laptop

    Up until recently, I received communication online in ten different places.

    In addition to getting messages through Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and StumbleUpon, I got emails through six different email accounts. I have not always managed this ever-flowing stream of information in the most mindful and productive way.

    Studies show that we actually get a little endorphin rush when something new pops up in the inbox. It’s almost as if an email, direct message, or blog comment confirms that we’re important—that someone somewhere values us and needs our attention, expertise, or approval.

    I’ll admit it: I enjoy seeing there’s a new comment on something I’ve written, and I love when someone sends me an email telling me how deeply Tiny Buddha has impacted them.

    But I’m not a big fan of spending my whole day reacting to things popping up on my screen; not when there are so many more efficient, fulfilling ways to spend my time.

    Recently I’ve been making some changes to create a more mindful online experience, less dictated by other people’s requests and feedback.

    If you also need a little help managing your stream, I recommend the following. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Anxiety

    Tiny Wisdom: On Anxiety

    “I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

    Only we can choose the way we feel, no one else.

    We don’t have to be the victim of our circumstances, the people around us, or the things we can’t control. Some things may hurt us and we’ll have feelings to deal with. But whenever we’re ready, we can choose to move on.

    Want to feel happier? Spend some time doing something you enjoy. Want to feel peaceful? Take a break and breathe deeply or meditate. Don’t worry about the things you think you should be dwelling on—you can think about them again when you’re done.

    Make the choice to be light and free today. No one else can make that choice but you.

    Photo by AlicePopkorn

  • 25 Awesome Things We Take for Granted Most Days

    25 Awesome Things We Take for Granted Most Days

    “It’s not a bad idea to occasionally spend a little time thinking about things you take for granted. Plain everyday things.” ~Evan Davis

    Some mornings I open my eyes and immediately start thinking about everything I have to do.

    I don’t notice the sun shining through my blinds.

    I don’t imagine all the things that could go right in my day, as Srinivas Rao suggested in his awesome post How to Wake up Every Morning on Top of the World.

    Instead, I immediately home in on my to-do list and all the mini fires I plan to avoid.

    On those days when my mind goes into defensive pessimism mode—conjuring up everything that could go wrong and creating plans to circumvent those things—it feels imperative to go on that way. Like the stressing and plotting somehow gives me more control over the day ahead.

    The irony is that while this type of thinking does nothing to avoid chaos and struggle, which are both inevitable, at least on some level, it actually creates the type of situations I’d prefer to dodge.

    A busy, cynical mind is more apt to find problems than solutions.

    Since I’ve been meditating in the morning again, I’ve been starting the day on a much more positive note. But I am by no means perfect, and some days I still expect the worst instead of creating the best.

    So I’ve started focusing on all the little things that usually go right instead of the big things that could go wrong.

    The reality is things could go wrong later, even if I start the day whistling over breakfast while birds and bunnies hover around my patio bistro set. Being positive isn’t a safeguard against the unknown.

    It is, however, one of the best ways to fully enjoy the moment and create the next one from a place of peace and empowerment.

    With that in mind, I’ve created this list of things that we often take for granted (some or all of which may be true for you). When you start thinking about everything you can’t control, it’s helpful to remember and appreciate all the little things that work in your favor most days. (more…)