Tiny Buddha

Author: Lori Deschene

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Moving Forward

    Tiny Wisdom: On Moving Forward

    “Doing your best means never stop trying.” -Unknown

    For years, I stressed over the possibility that my best was not good enough. I realized that I couldn’t possibly do better than my best, but as a type-A overachiever, this logic wasn’t sufficient permission to feel proud when I put all my heart into something.

    I didn’t want to do my best–I wanted to do the best that anyone could do. I wanted to achieve greatness, as recognized by lots of people. I wanted it to be undeniably true that I was someone worth admiring and respecting.

    What I have since realized is that no one’s admiration and respect will ever feel like enough until I admire and respect myself. And that doesn’t come from obsessing about perfect outcomes–it comes from knowing I am strong enough and brave enough to keep going, even knowing I’ll never be perfect.

    If you are doing something that scares you, know that you are doing your best. If you’re doing something you’ve failed at before, know that you are doing your best. If you are doing something that you feel like you’re failing at now, know that you are doing your best.

    And more importantly, regardless of what you achieve, know that you deserve your own respect and admiration for being a person who is willing to try.

    Photo by retardoricardo

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Insurmountable Obstacles

    Tiny Wisdom: On Insurmountable Obstacles

    “A hard fall means a high bounce…if you’re made of the right material.” -Unknown

    I recently saw the movie Soul Surfer about Bethany Hamilton, the professional surfer who lost an arm in a shark attack in 2003 when she was just 13 years old. This would be difficult for anyone, but especially someone so young.

    Bethany lost 60% of her blood that day, and after turning down a lifelike but non-functional prosthetic arm, soon realized she had to relearn almost everything.

    What kept her going was knowing she didn’t lose everything. Lots of things were different, but lots of things were still possible. Because of that belief, Bethany has continued to compete in national surf championships while traveling all over the world to help other people dealing with adversity.

    As someone with a lifelong phobia of sharks, I can’t say for certain I’d get back in the water after an attack that took a limb. But I know that when everything seems challenging and nothing makes sense, it’s tremendously helpful to remember that possibility starts with the strength and courage to recognize it.

    If you’re dealing with an obstacle that seems insurmountable, remember that things are rarely what they seem. This can be your undoing–or it can be a reminder that you’re stronger than you realize and can do a lot more than you think.

    The question is: Are you ready to stop dwelling and start doing?

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being Kind

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being Kind

    “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” -Plato

    Sometimes it can seem like everyone’s out to get you. There’s the person in traffic who refuses to let you into his lane. The customer service representative who rushes you off the phone without helping even a little. The friend who didn’t tell you the whole story, which left you feeling hurt.

    We’ve all met these people. We’ve also been these people. We all have days when we’re not as considerate, helpful, or honest as we’d like to be.

    Sometimes it’s because we’re rushed. Other times it’s because we’re tired and irritable. And other times it’s because we’re hurting emotionally and maybe we’ve yet to really acknowledge and deal with it. Maybe we don’t think we can, and so we let it fester inside while we go through our day, feeling hopeless, trapped, and alone in our sadness.

    Today if you come across someone who gets on your nerves, consider that maybe underneath their rudeness or insensitivity is a pain that’s yet to be healed. It doesn’t condone their actions, and it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stand up for yourself when necessary.

    But it may make it easier to feel a modicum of compassion. I don’t know about you, but on days when I am hurting, that’s what I want and need: a friendly face that says, “I understand, and I care.”

    Photo by Big Mind Zen Center

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Living

    Tiny Wisdom: On Living

    “It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” -Eckhart Tolle

    You might not think to compare beloved children’s writer Dr. Seuss to spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, but there’s a common message about happiness in both their works: We can only experience joy through action in the now, not by waiting to get it some day, when everything works out and makes sense.

    From Seuss’ Oh the Places You Will Go:

    The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

    Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

    Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

    He then writes: No! That’s not for you!

    But I’m going to alter that slightly since we’re all adults now. That very well might be you. I know that it’s been me. I’ve waited for the right time to make a change, the ideal time to tell someone how I feel, the safest time to try something new, and the easiest time to take care of myself.

    The only problem is that it rarely feels right, ideal, safe, or easy. Those words are merely excuses to let the moment slip away. And it does. Over and over again until they have run out.

    This moment is a chance to do something differently, no matter how small it may seem. Every big change starts with one small choice.

    The best way to stop waiting and start living is to decide that life happens now, and to ask yourself: If you knew time was running out, what would you stop waiting to do?

    Photo by scion_cho

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Suffering

    Tiny Wisdom: On Suffering

    “It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” -Pema Chodron

    We all have stories we tell ourselves about the events in our lives. Many of them are negative: My boyfriend left me because I’m not good enough. I didn’t get that job because people think I’m incompetent. My parents were too hard on me because they don’t really love me.

    We often give far more meaning to events than they actually had, allowing them to control us and our actions.

    Your stories can either leave you feeling helpless or empowered.

    Martin Seligman, who coined the term “positive psychology” suggests that we can learn optimism and change those stories using the ABC model. When an adversity (A) happens, we can identify beliefs (B) and the undesirable consequences (C) they create.

    So if your boyfriend left you and you believe it’s because you’re not good enough, that will likely leave you feeling down on yourself, and as a consequence, shut down to joy and people.

    The alternative is to dispute that story to create a sense of possibility. Instead of believing that you’re not good enough, you can think, “This one relationship didn’t work out, and I can learn from this, but lots of people love me, just as I am, and many more will in the future if I keep putting myself out there.”

    This story won’t completely take away the pain, but it will remind you that it’s temporary–and that you are not helpless.

    We never are unless we choose to be.

    Photo by kelp1966

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Happiness

    Tiny Wisdom: On Happiness

    “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~Gandhi

    It’s awfully difficult to be happy when you don’t love or respect yourself, and let’s face it: A big part of self love has to do with operating with integrity.

    When you commit to making a positive change–like meditating or cutting back on work–but don’t follow through, you’re basically telling yourself that your commitments to yourself aren’t valuable enough to keep.

    When you decide you believe in something strongly, like honesty, and then contradict it in your actions by lying, you’re telling yourself that your values and beliefs don’t really mean much to you.

    These small choices create a nagging sense of internal conflict–a feeling that you’re not who you say you are, and you aren’t sure why you’re not.

    I’ve been there many times before. I’ve said that balance is important to me then overloaded my schedule. I’ve committed to being compassionate, and then I’ve judged someone harshly. The end result is always the same: I feel unhappy, and then I recognize the distance between who I want to be and who I’m being.

    Today if you feel unhappy and struggle identifying the cause, ask yourself: Am I being the person I say I am–and if not, what changes can I make to align what I think, say, and do?

    Photo by Zen me

  • 20 Ways to Overcome Doubts

    20 Ways to Overcome Doubts

    “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~ Pema Chodron

    Nine out of ten times when I feel paralyzed, it’s because I doubt myself.

    Sometimes I doubt my knowledge—whether I truly know enough to move forward. Sometimes I doubt the choices I’ve already made, as if I can somehow find a sense of control in rehashing what I’ve done and deciding how to do it better in the future.

    Other times I doubt my instincts. I think I know what’s right for me, but my mind decides to split and take sides, creating a nagging sense of internal conflict over what I actually want to do.

    I’ve mostly dealt with this as it pertains to my dreams, and it’s partially because I’m terrified of doing the wrong thing and somehow ruining everything I’ve been working toward. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, or make the wrong decision and then have to take responsibility for the outcome of my choice.

    It feels easier not to choose at all.

    But what I’m learning is that there is no such thing as “wrong.” The only wrong choice is not making one. That’s not to say we’ll always create the outcomes we visualize. But maybe that isn’t the point.

    Maybe the point is to learn to be less afraid of leaping, knowing that the net may not always appear, but the fall will never be far enough to do any lasting damage.

    This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately as I stretch outside my comfort zone with public speaking. As a former loner, I don’t deal well with crowds in general, let alone crowds staring at me while I talk vulnerably and passionately about something I love.

    The space between the stage and the ground always feels like a massive distance, both in the ascent and the decline. I can’t say for certain I will ever feel fully confident in the spotlight. I may always feel at least some self-doubt, but I can choose not to doubt the choice to stretch and grow.

    Doubts are just an inevitable part of life. The important thing is that we act in spite of them. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Doubts

    Tiny Wisdom: On Doubts

    “When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” -Honore de Balzac

    When you think that you don’t know, know that somewhere inside you, you do. When you think you can’t go on, know that you absolutely can and will. When you aren’t sure that you can make a difference, know that you already do, and you will continue to if you just keep going.

    It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about how boldly you’re willing to act, knowing full there’s a lot you don’t know.

    Today if you doubt yourself, remember: You are far more powerful than you think. You just need to believe it.

    Photo by Accidental Beauty Photography

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Using Freedom

    Tiny Wisdom: On Using Freedom

    “We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.”  ~William Faulkner

    Let’s face it: In a world where work is a requirement, a lot of us will end up spending at least some time doing things we wouldn’t choose to do. If we’re passionate and determined, we can create a world where we work is enjoyable, and maybe even create the conditions to work fewer hours.

    But what’s important is what we do with the time we have on any given day.

    You might not be able to travel internationally right now, but you can visit a museum on your off day. You might not feel like you have enough time to write a book, but you can start writing a blog at night.

    When we choose to do, instead of lamenting what we can’t do, something miraculous happens: We start feeling more passionate and alive while planting seeds for positive change.

    Time is the ultimate currency in life, and it slips away, every minute, every hour, and every day regardless of how we choose to spend it.

    Today if you feel overwhelmed by all the things you have to do, ask yourself: How can I use the remaining time in a way that feels purposeful and joyful?

    Photo by Eustaquio Santimano

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Fear-Based Decisions

    Tiny Wisdom: On Fear-Based Decisions

    “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson

    Sometimes I look at people who appear to be confident, successful, and happy and imagine that they always feel that way—that they never feel insecure or afraid, and they always operate from a place of trusting love.

    Then I remember that every person who has a pulse deals with human emotions. What confident, successful, happy people have going for them is that they feel fears, but they make decisions from a place underneath them.

    They push through discomfort, fully aware that it’s impermanent, and in the process learn, grow, and expand. They realize that whatever happened in the past is over, and what happens is the future is dependent on their willingness to act now.

    Some days I let my fear control me, feeling sure I know what bad thing is coming and determined to prevent it. On other days I remember that I am shaping the future, and I can create it in love or fear, but not both. Which do you choose today?

    Photo by jennratonmort

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Winning

    Tiny Wisdom: On Winning

    Buddha with pink sky

    “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” ~Gandhi

    When I was younger, I thought of winning in terms of revenge. I thought that if I felt hurt by bullies, they won. Or if I sat around feeling sad about an ex-boyfriend, he won. On the flip side, if I grew up to be successful, that would be the best revenge against anyone who hurt me.

    In being happy, confident, and successful, I would have won.

    What a sad way to think, that it’s all one giant score card of them against us. That we’re in a competition to come out on top, and anyone who wronged us, intentionally or not, needs to lose for it to be okay.

    It may feel good to imagine there’s a consequence for treating you thoughtlessly. But in the end, what we really want isn’t for other people to suffer or have less than us. We want to make peace with the past so that we can know success and happiness that has nothing to do with our stories.

    We want to feel free from the burden of keeping score, knowing that we don’t have to prove we didn’t deserve whatever happened.

    We can make that choice on any day. On any day we can take yesterday’s pain out of today’s commitment to joy. Today I make that choice. Do you?

    Buddha with pink sky image via Shutterstock

  • Be Part of the First Tiny Buddha YouTube Video

    Be Part of the First Tiny Buddha YouTube Video

    Sunshine & Smiles

    As you may have noticed, there’s been a Tiny Buddha YouTube channel up for months now. There have been nearly 3,000 views on the page but, thus far, there aren’t any videos on there.

    Today is the day that changes!

    Since I launched this website in the fall of 2009, Tiny Buddha has been all about community.

    Each week, I publish 4 blog posts from Tiny Buddha readers. I’ve published nearly a dozen posts that incorporated wisdom from members of the Tiny Buddha Facebook page. I even included tweets from Tiny Buddha Twitter followers in my upcoming book (available through Conari Press at the end of the year!)

    It seems to me that the best way to launch the Tiny Buddha YouTube channel is to feature a video that includes all of you.

    The Video Topic: What Makes You Smile?

    The first Tiny Buddha video is going to about all about happiness–more specifically, the things that make you smile. Think about the things that bring you the most joy: your baby laughing, your dog rolling around in leaves, the sun setting at the beach.

    Now go and get it on camera! It can be a short clip, and it doesn’t need to be professional quality (though, of course, the clearer, the better). You can be in the shot, or it can be just the thing you love. Whatever makes you happy!

    The result will be a collection of short clips from Tiny Buddha readers from all over the world, all edited together into one feel-good video. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Self Love

    Tiny Wisdom: On Self Love

    “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

    They say that love is a verb, and that’s not only true for our friends and family. If we want to be strong, confident people who can benefit others and the world, we need to make time to love ourselves in action.

    We need to do the things that we know nourish our hearts and spirits, whether it’s yoga, meditation, or walking on the beach. Even if we’re overwhelmed—especially if we’re overwhelmed—we need to prioritize taking care of minds and bodies.

    We need to get out and engage with people, allowing ourselves to feel a sense of connection and inclusion. Even if we’re busy—especially if we’re busy—we need to prioritize genuine connection.

    And we need to take time to be alone with ourselves, so we can learn to be strong, independent, and centered, regardless of who’s there for support. Even if lots of other people depend on us—especially if lots of other people depend on us—we need to prioritize being with ourselves.

    We have so much potential to make a difference in the world—to share our passions, talents, and love. But we can only give to others if we’re able to first give to ourselves.

    It doesn’t need to be anything huge. It can just be 15 minutes for deep breathing in the afternoon, or a few kind words internally before a big meeting or event.

    What matters is that we recognize loving ourselves takes effort, and then we make that effort consistently, at least a little every day. Just like we’d be accountable in the relationships we value, we need and deserve to be accountable to ourselves.


    Photo by Zigg-E

  • Why Some Dreams Don’t Lead to Happiness

    Why Some Dreams Don’t Lead to Happiness

    When I was 24 years old, I learned that some dreams are actually avoidance tactics, and some discouragement is a very good thing.

    I was relatively new in New York City, and I felt overwhelmed by the prospect of failing if I tried to pursue my passions. I’d learned a lot about failure in the six years prior, and the only thing I knew for certain anymore was that I had to become someone important.

    When I arrived at my interview for marketing job—as it was so descriptively advertised on Craigslist—I was surprised to find a room full of people and a whiteboard that read, “Who wants to work smarter, not harder and earn six figures?”

    I did!

    If I had the money, I reasoned, I’d have the freedom to do whatever I want with my life. The money was a smart dream. It was the path to everything and anything.

    A 22-year old girl named *Aida led us through a 45-minute presentation. She told us how she recently bought her own home while helping other people find financial freedom, too.

    That’s where we came in. We would sell phone and internet packages to our friends and family members, and recruit other people who wanted to do the same thing.

    Every time we made a sale, we got paid. Every time those other people made a sale, we got paid. Every time the people they recruited made a sale, we got paid. And it only cost $499 to get involved.

    That’s where she started to lose me. What kind of company asks you to pay them $500 to make sales for them? She told me that it cost because it was our own business—our investment, our tax deductions at the end of the year, and our profits.

    I was skeptical, but I wanted to believe in the possibility of achieving massive success so that I could eventually do something big—and I loved the idea of helping other people along the way. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Who You Were Meant to Be

    Tiny Wisdom: On Who You Were Meant to Be

    “Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.” -George Sheehan

    I don’t know that I believe we were “meant to be” anything specifically, but I know that we all have greater intentions that often get suffocated under the weight of our daily responsibilities.

    We all want to make the world a better place. We all want to mean something to other people. What that looks like differs for all of us, and sometimes it changes from one day, one month, and one year to the next.

    But it’s up to us all individually to wake up every day and decide that those intentions are what really matter. It’s not the money, approval, acclaim, or anything else that might distract us from what we believe to be true. What matters is who we want to be, and what we do about it today.

    I want to be someone who cares. I want to be someone who chooses not to cause myself pain but isn’t afraid of hurting if it’s the price of loving fully. I want to be someone who does what I believe is right, even when it’s hard. Today, I will, in action and with all my heart.

    Who do you want to be–and what will you do about it today?

    Photo by Tiny Buddha reader Jacob Romero

  • 10 Steps to Simplify Your Work Life

    10 Steps to Simplify Your Work Life

    Office Buddha

    “Life is actually really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” ~Confucius

    While I have always piled a lot on my plate professionally, I’ve recently introduced more varied elements. Formerly, I may have devoted a long workweek to freelance writing, but I’m now juggling writing, consulting, editing my upcoming book, and promoting my recent eBook.

    I’ve noticed that the biggest complication to my life isn’t necessarily the full, varied schedule; it’s how I think about that busy schedule.

    Sometimes I let my to-do list overwhelm me, carrying the weight of the whole through all of the parts.

    So, instead of just answering an email, I’m responding, thinking about the blog post I want to write later, worrying about the magazine deadline I might not make, and planning to be more effective so that I can get everything done without having to worry so much.

    That’s something I sometimes do.

    But on other days, I remind myself that I can’t worry my way out of worrying, and that the most effective use of any moment is to fully do whatever it is I’m doing. The rest will get done later. That, I’m learning, is the most important part of simplifying.

    The first step in simplifying anything starts with how we think about it.

    Of course, there’s a lot more to simplifying work than that (which I realize is ironic given that the subject matter is simplification). (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Being Able

    Tiny Wisdom: On Being Able

    “He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything.” –Proverb

    We all go through phases when we feel hopeless. When everything gets overwhelming. Your bills, your responsibilities, your relationships, the dreams you put on hold—sometimes it all seems like too much.

    In those moments the last thing you want to hear is that you’re lucky you can still walk or use all your senses. Those are things we all take for granted. Things that just are.

    Except none of them are a given. The legs that allow you to practice yoga may one day be strained, sprained, broken, or even paralyzed. The hands and wrists that allow you to write may one day have carpel tunnel. The body that never seems strong or lean enough may one day be incapacitated in ways you can’t even fathom.

    If you have your health, you have the freedom to change a lot of the things that dissatisfy you in life. You just have to take responsibility for doing it.

    If you have the physical and mental capacity, odds are your biggest restrictions are your own limiting thoughts about what’s possible for you.

    Hope is the belief that tomorrow could be better. Wisdom is realizing you have to make it better yourself. How can you use your capabilities to create new possibilities for today and tomorrow?

    Photo by Alice Popkorn

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Giving Peace Away

    Tiny Wisdom: On Giving Peace Away

    “If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.” -Dalai Lama

    Most of the time when I feel overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated, or angry, it’s because I’m obsessing about my circumstances–everything that feels unfair or insurmountable and all the ways I feel powerless to change them.

    In this state of mind, I inevitably stress other people out, whether I talk about my challenges or not.

    It’s there, spoken or unsaid. It gets in the way of my ability to really be present with the people I love, and it affects their state of mind.

    I’ve realized that the surest path to feeling more peace is recognizing when I’m challenging other people’s–when I’m drowning my interactions with my personal struggles instead of creating a positive space for myself and the people I encounter.

    We’ll always have problems in life, and if we’re not careful, they can suffocate our relationships.

    Today if you feel burdened by your struggles, realize that stressing won’t create solutions–it will just create more problems, for you and others.

    The alternative is to breathe–to value collective peace in the present more than individual control over the future. Ironically, this often makes it a lot easier to identify solutions.

    Photo by Wonderlane

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Imperfect People

    Tiny Wisdom: On Imperfect People

    “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~Sam Keen

    There’s a popular musical that explores a common approach to love, titled I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change.

    It happens all the time: We meet someone, we fall for all their strengths and quirks, and then soon start identifying ways they could change to better meet our needs.

    I suspect we do this partly because we tend to blame the person we’re with when we’re feeling something we don’t want to fix on our own. But also, we try to change and fix other people because we’re acutely aware of our own imperfections and don’t want to deal with the pain of recognizing them in others.

    When you think about, everything we see in other people represents something going on in our own heads and hearts.

    We recognize selfishness—or what we interpret as selfishness—because we’ve been selfish before. We see fear, impatience, and annoyance—or what we assume those things look like—because we’ve felt them before.

    Maybe the key to loving other people is accepting that we’re all the same, and, flaws and all, we are all worthy. Or as Tiny Buddha contributor Erin Lanahan recently wrote in her post 5 Ways to Feel More Love and Compassion for Yourself and Others:

    “I know you hurt, just like me, and you feel joy, just like me. You worry and feel scared sometimes, just like me. You have bad days, just like me, and you have amazing days, just like me. You are seeking, just like me. You want to believe in love, just like me.”

    We really are all so similar. We’re all doing our best from day to day. We all mess up from time to time. We all want someone to accept us as we are, instead of lamenting what we aren’t. And we all deserve love, compassion, and understanding.

    Today, if you feel frustrated with someone you love, ask yourself: Can I empathize? How can I show it in action?

    Photo by Lel4nd

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Everyday Kindness

    Tiny Wisdom: On Everyday Kindness

    “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” -Aesop

    Recently I read about a research study that suggested kindness is literally contagious. According to Science Daily:

    “When people benefit from kindness they ‘pay it forward’ by helping others who were not originally involved, and this creates a cascade of cooperation that influences dozens more in a social network.”

    One simple act of generosity, consideration, or thoughtfulness can literally have a domino affect, eventually touching people you may never meet. In a very real way, a simple act of kindness can expand your positive impact on the world beyond the limitations of your individual reach.

    We might not be able to see it or measure it, but if we all make a conscious choice to be kind, we can create the kind of world we want to live in, starting with ourselves.

    I recently contributed to the Kindness Manifesto, a free download available on TheBridgeMaker.com that includes 132 ideas to make kindness a daily habit. My suggestions included:

    • Listen without forming an opinion or judgment.
    • Give without expecting something in return.
    • Help without feeling or acting superior.
    • Be willing to say no if it’s the best thing you can do.
    • Be kind to yourself–it’s the first step in being kind to everyone else

    How do you spread kindness around you?