Tiny Buddha

Author: Lori Deschene

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Letting Go of Painful Stories

    Tiny Wisdom: On Letting Go of Painful Stories

    “The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that.” -Eckhart Tolle

    Today I read that Elizabeth Smart, who was kidnapped in 2002, is going to join ABC as a correspondent, covering missing persons.

    In case you haven’t followed this case, Elizabeth was only 14 when Brian David Mitchell abducted her from her Salt Lake City home. Her parents had previously hired the homeless man for a day’s work, something they did often to help people who were down on their luck. And yet for nine months he hid Elizabeth, subjecting her to daily cruelty.

    In response to her new position, ABC News spokeswoman Julie Townsend said, “…her contributions will be focused on looking ahead, not looking back at her own story.”

    As I read this, I thought about how easy it would be for her to let that story define her and her life. People have done it with far less traumatic events.

    She could wake up every day bitter and guarded. She could take comfort in a victim identity, expecting other people to take care of her. She could rehash what happened over and over again to anyone would listen–and we would understand. After all, she’s been through so much.

    But when you focus on all the bad things you’ve been through, it’s nearly impossible to recognize when you’re going through something good. It’s even more challenging to create something good with what you have.

    The stories we tell and wrap our lives around can easily limit who we become if we let them. The alternative is to let go of that pain identity. To stop dwelling on how you’ve been hurt. To decide that, right now, you have choices, and you’re not going to let your fear and anger make them for you.

    Today if you find yourself rehashing a painful past, remember: It may help to talk things through, but if you want to experience real happiness, at some point, you need to let go.

    Photo by JapanDave

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Beautiful Moments

    Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Beautiful Moments

    “Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

    The other day, I was looking through friends’ Facebook albums–and by friends, I mean teenage cousins, readers I’ve yet to meet, and acquaintances from high school.

    It all started so innocently, clicking on a recently added photo on my wall, and before I knew it, I was knee-deep in the lives of people I rarely see, have never seen, or haven’t seen in years.

    There were, of course, hundreds of photos of each person in different exciting destinations–kind like that garden gnome that shows up in pictures from places around the world. That’s a big part of the Facebook photo appeal, after all; it’s a memorial for all the fun you want to remember you had (or show other people you had).

    But what mesmerized me weren’t the exotic locations or momentous occasions. What captivated me were the smiles. The real smiles, the kind that starts with your eyes and reveals that you are present, peaceful, engaged, and truly grateful for the moment you’re enjoying. They had no idea, but their smiles brightened my day.

    I started thinking about some research I read recently that revealed Facebook can make people unhappy, because we tend to compare ourselves unfavorably to other people, based on their updates and photos. In that moment, I realized that regardless of where we go or what we have to celebrate, we can all have that same unbridled joy–if we’re willing to create it.

    We can all make time for the people and things we love and create those beautiful, genuine smiles. Ultimately, that’s what we all want–not other people’s lives, but the joy we sometimes forget is always available to all of us.

    Today if you start feeling like you don’t have a lot to smile about, ask yourself: What do I love, and how can I fit it in today?

    Photo by DaveyBoyee

  • 51 Things That Will Make You Smile

    51 Things That Will Make You Smile

    Some days, it’s easy to smile. You wake up to the sounds of birds chirping, with the warm glow of the morning sun cradling your face. You take several deep, cleansing breaths standing beneath a perfectly cascading shower, just before drawing a smiley face on the steamed-up glass with your index finger.

    Your roommate or significant other makes your coffee, just the way you like it. You hit every traffic light. You sing to your favorite tunes. And you arrive at work refreshed, excited, and anxious to create and collaborate.

    But not every day starts this way. Sometimes you wake up to chaos, in your head or in the world around you. You hit snags, and bumps, and roadblocks at every turn. You try too hard, or don’t try enough, and things fall apart, or things fall short.

    You struggle, you fight yourself and other people, and you find yourself wishing you could stop the world so you could get off for a while.

    But there is an alternative. When things go wrong, you can fall down or look up. You can shut down or wake up, all over again, starting from right where you stand. You can accept that the days won’t always look bright, but commit to finding something worth smiling about. Not sure what that might be? No worries, friends! I have a few ideas…. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: How Criticism Helps You Excel

    Tiny Wisdom: How Criticism Helps You Excel

    “Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” -Aristotle

    No matter what you’re trying to do, someone somewhere has a harsh opinion.

    Maybe it’s a virtual stranger. Since the advent of the Internet, people can easily vent their judgments behind a cloak of anonymity. Most of the world’s successful people have a Google trail laced with negativity.

    Or maybe it’s someone who’s supposed to have faith in you—your father doubts your aptitude for the legal profession, or your friend thinks your singing belongs in the shower.

    Either way, it hurts. And you may lose steam as a result.

    Don’t.

    Barbra Streisand’s mother told her she wasn’t pretty enough to be an actress and her voice was inadequate, to boot.

    Peers criticized Albert Einstein about everything from his looks to his intelligence as a child, yet he grew up to become the father of modern physics.

    Many people in France considered Gustav Eiffel’s tower design an eyesore and wanted it torn down.

    “They” aren’t always right.

    If you come against criticism today, realize it’s a gift. Whether it’s a valid suggestion to help you improve, or a harsh judgment that reminds you to develop a thicker skin, it can help you get closer to your dreams.

    *This is an updated version of a post from September, 2009. Photo by Jen and a Camera.

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Changing How You See Problems

    Tiny Wisdom: On Changing How You See Problems

    “If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” -Mary Engelbreit

    In a recent response to my blog post about dealing with difficult people, an anonymous commenter mentioned that she has a negative team member, an irrational supervisor, and an ineffective HR manager. Since she feels that leaving her job isn’t an option, she asked for advice about what she should do.

    I could relate to that feeling of being stuck–when you’re in a situation you don’t like, but you feel powerless to change it.

    When I’ve been in those circumstances, the last thing I wanted to hear was that I should change my perceptions and responses. After all, other people were causing problems–why should I have to change?

    In fact, I spent years stubbornly fighting with people who I thought were in the wrong. Because I felt confident in my judgments–that they needed to be more considerate, or less abrasive, or whatever–I essentially justified a negative attitude by bemoaning their negativity.

    Instead of actively seeking workable solutions, I sat around complaining about how other people caused the problems.

    In doing so, I became the problem. The victim mentality was the problem. My stubborn righteousness was the problem. These were the things that were keeping me stuck–not what other people did.

    We’re going to feel powerless sometimes. Sometimes we’ll have to stay with difficult roommates, even if just temporarily. Sometimes we’ll need to work thankless jobs just to make ends meet. We can either fight what is, or choose to see opportunities within it.

    Today if you feel stuck in a situation you don’t love, ask yourself: Do I have the power to change this, and, if not, how can I respond positively and proactively in a way that can help me grow?

    Photo by Mark Mrwizard

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Where We’re Going and Why

    Tiny Wisdom: On Where We’re Going and Why

    “A journey is best measured in friends,  rather than miles.” -Tim Cahill

    Not too long ago, someone asked me how scalable Tiny Buddha is, and how I plan to expand the site to reach millions of people and generate substantial revenue.

    My answer was (and is) that I don’t. I have absolutely no concrete plans to reach certain benchmarks for readers or dollars. I do, however, have plans for the site’s growth–but they’re focused more on creating new features than attracting new people to use them.

    It’s not about expanding Tiny Buddha’s reach; it’s about how deeply we can all reach each other.

    I realize that in business, particularly when you’re not working alone, you sometimes need to focus on numbers. But there’s something to said for checking in with why you’re doing what you’re doing and choosing to focus on that.

    I suspect that if we peeled away the layers of our motivations, most of us would discover that what we really want is to connect with other people and make a positive difference in their lives. Sure, we also want to make a comfortable living, and it wouldn’t hurt to leave behind some kind of legacy.

    But focusing on the numbers–putting all your energy into plans to go the distance–can be a huge distraction from why you started this journey to begin with. It can pressure you to sell when you’d rather just engage, or promote when you’d rather create, or brand yourself when you’d rather just be who you are.

    When you’re focused on how far you can go, it can be difficult to appreciate how far you’ve already come, and how beautiful it is, right here.

    Today if you find yourself dwelling on where you want to be–how many followers, fans, subscribers, page views, or customers you want to have–remember: Your success is only about the numbers if you choose to measure it that way.

    Photo by lok_lok 05

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing It’s Never All Dark

    Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing It’s Never All Dark

    “Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.” ~Māori Proverb

    People often comment that the Tiny Buddha emails come at just the right time for them, and I think there’s a simple explanation for that. They all address universal challenges–things we all deal with, and often. They’re the things we sometimes forget connect us.

    We all deal with pain, heartache, disappointment, frustration, fear, anxiety, and loss. We don’t deal with it at the same times, in the same ways, or for the same reasons, but we all experience the same emotions–over and over again.

    Just when we think everything is perfect, something changes and we realize nothing is permanent. Just when we think we have everything figured out, we realize how much we don’t understand, and maybe never will.

    But we also have something else in common: No matter how dark things can seem in our lives, we always have at least a little light–and sometimes far more than we realize. Very rarely is all lost.

    If things aren’t going great with work, you may still have amazing friends who remind you that you are so much more than what you do for a living. If you don’t have the relationship you dream about, you might have family members there to remind you that you are never alone.

    We always have good things in our lives. It’s just that sometimes we get too distracted by what’s lacking to recognize what’s going right.

    Yesterday I asked on Facebook, “What advice would you give to yourself, 10 years ago?” I would tell myself to stop worrying that I was missing out on the good life, because I was actually missing out on life because of all the worrying.

    Though none of us can go back and do things differently, we can remember what we’ve learned and use it.

    Today I commit to enjoying the light, wherever it may be. What light is there in your life?

    *This is an updated version of a post from 2009. Photo by law_keven

  • Tiny Wisdom: On the Illusion of Tomorrow

    Tiny Wisdom: On the Illusion of Tomorrow

    “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” -Gandhi

    If only tomorrow were here.

    You’d have that promotion you feel you’ve earned. Your bank account would have an extra zero or two. You’d be finished with the improvements on your house, and ready for new ones to make it even more comfortable.

    Your kids would be in that school you can’t yet afford. Closer to graduation. Closer to adulthood. Closer to leaving your home.

    You could plan that vacation you’ve wanted to take. And take it. And come back. And want for another.

    If only tomorrow were here.

    You’d be one day too late to enjoy today’s sunset.

    Twenty-four hours too late to savor today’s lunch, today’s cool breeze, today’s little lessons.

    One night too late to tell someone you love them—someone who could move, or change, or even fade away.

    Smack dab in the middle of another today, when everything is still imperfect. And yet still so beautiful.

    Tomorrow will come, and tomorrow will go. Take a deep breath and enjoy right now. This is what is real.

    *This is an updated version of a post from September, 2009. Photo by lostintheredwoods.

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Dreaming of a Better You

    Tiny Wisdom: On Dreaming of a Better You

    “To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.” -Unknown

    It’s one of life’s greatest challenges: learning to constantly evolve without undermining the beauty of who you are in this moment. In fact, it seems like a bit of a contradiction. If you’re committed to becoming who you could be, how can you simultaneously value and honor who you are?

    I suspect it’s all about perspective.

    You honor who you are when you know you have more to learn but appreciate that, right now, you are someone who is capable of doing that.

    You honor who you are when you know there’s a lot you can accomplish, but you realize that what really matters isn’t what you achieve tomorrow; it’s what you start today.

    You honor who you are when you know you have vast potential, but you don’t let obstacles on the way to your dreams compromise your sense of self-worth.

    And lastly, you honor who you are when you realize that regardless of who you become, your life matters. You matter.

    Today if you find yourself getting lost in thoughts of who you should be, remember: Your life is valuable not because of where you’re going, but because of what you choose to do right now.

    Photo by icathing

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Doing What You Love for Work

    Tiny Wisdom: On Doing What You Love for Work

    “Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” ~Buddha

    Whenever I write or publish a post about following your heart professionally, inevitably someone comments that it’s far easier said than done. I completely understand this instinct. After all, most of us don’t start with a massive nest egg that allows us to explore our passions without concern for financial security.

    I also understand when people get frustrated by articles that suggest making a living with your passion is a simple step-by-step process.

    It’s not always easy to do what you love for a career, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. It can be challenging, frustrating, and sometimes scary to discover your word and put your heart into it–and let’s face it, some people have greater advantages than others.

    That being said, we all have the same time in our days, and we all have choices to make.

    We can choose to identify what we love, or we can simply do what we have to do to get by.

    We can choose to spend our free time complaining about how little of it we have, or we can use our available hours to nurture our interests and gifts.

    We can choose to get bogged down by uncertainty and the possibility of failure, or we can focus on the little successes and trust that they’re all adding up.

    They do. It may not seem like it in the moment, when you’re not sure if your efforts will pay off. But if you make it a priority to discover and follow your bliss, you just might find that happiness lies in the following, not where it’s leading.

    Today if you feel lost about your passions and goals, remember: If your heart is in the right place, your mind will learn and find a way.

    Photo by fra-NCIS

  • Tiny Wisdom: On What We Really Want

    Tiny Wisdom: On What We Really Want

    “Pleasure can be supported by an illusion; but happiness rests upon truth.” -Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort

    So many times in life we hop from illusion to illusion.

    We imagine that we’re finally getting closer to happiness, when the very fact that we’re looking for it in the future makes it unlikely we’ll experience it in the present.

    We interpret what we experience based on our pasts and fears, instead of seeing people and things with fresh eyes.

    We attach to ideas of right and wrong, as if things are black and white, and in doing so convince ourselves that we are somehow separate from each other–that we’re different, or superior, or inferior, or alone.

    To offset the pain we create in our minds, we distract ourselves, and numb ourselves, and lie to ourselves, and guard ourselves.

    We find whatever it is that soothes us, and then pretend that happiness exists in a drink, or a meal, or a pill, or a relationship.

    But real happiness doesn’t exist in escaping the present; it comes from recognizing that what we really want is to stop suffocating the moment with thoughts, fears, beliefs, and opinions. What we really want is to choose our pleasures not because we’re hurting, but simply because we enjoy them.

    We can view the now as a bridge to somewhere else we’d rather be, and then cling to things that help us get through it. Or we can stop telling ourselves those stories and simply be.

    And even more beautifully, we can realize that we all deal with the same struggles and dramas, and if we’re willing to let them go for a while, we can simply be, together.

    Here’s wishing you a weekend filled with authentic  happiness–the kind that grows from inner calm and a sense of satisfaction with the moment and yourself.

    Photo by Wonderlane

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Living in Peace

    Tiny Wisdom: On Living in Peace

    “He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the world.” -Marcus Aurelius

    Yesterday I read an article that described how several hundred people got together to kick off the summer season by practicing yoga in the middle of Times Square. I felt a bit nostalgic in reading this because I did the very same thing exactly five years ago.

    We were all crammed together, mat to mat, raised 10 feet off the ground. It’s a surreal feeling to ease into downward dog within such a chaotic, electric, commercial environment. It’s the ultimate challenge in centering yourself–with thousands of people maintaining a frantic pace around you, buying things, rushing toward things, and staring peripherally at the spectacle of your stillness.

    But isn’t that kind of the challenge we face every day? On most days, we all bob and weave our way through all kinds of chaotic situations. There are problems to solve. And confrontations to avoid. And confusions to clear up. And relationships to mend.

    Just when you think you’ve found your center, you find one more fire that needs to be put out. It’s implicit in the definition of balance that you could potentially fall–which means there is never a better opportunity to practice peace than when your external environment could compromise it.

    Today if things get overwhelming, take a deep breath and remind yourself: Your circumstances are temporary, but your peace can endure if you focus on what’s going on within you, instead of stressing about what’s going on around you.

    Photo by benswing

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Believing in Your Ideas

    Tiny Wisdom: On Believing in Your Ideas

    “Ideas can be life-changing. Sometimes all you need to open the door is just one more good idea.” -Jim Rohn

    The other day, my boyfriend and I started brainstorming for a screenplay we’re going to write. As we kept finding new details about the characters and events, I found myself fully visualizing it in my head.

    I saw what the actors would look like. I imagined the trailer. I could hear the soundtrack. I was laughing at jokes that we didn’t yet write. The movie felt like a living, breathing organism, and in that moment, even at the very beginning of this new journey, I fully believed in our possibility.

    I told him it felt so real, even though it was just a seed of an idea, and in that moment, I believed we could write it and get it made. That initial enthusiasm, the unadulterated belief–it’s magic. It’s when you’ve yet to consider all the reasons it might not work. It’s before you’ve contemplated all the odds against you, or weighed other people’s opinions as if they’re facts.

    That’s the feeling that makes things happen: the belief in what you visualize. It’s not always easy to retain it, especially when you start doubting what you know and what you can do.

    I know very little about writing a screenplay, but I know I am passionate enough about my ideas to commit to the process of learning.

    You won’t always know what you need to know. You won’t always get other people to see what you see. And sometimes even you might stop believing. Obstacles have a way of seeming insurmountable, but rarely is that true.

    Today if you start thinking your idea isn’t good enough, take a deep breath and remember: What’s important is not what you know in this moment; it’s what you believe you can learn and do.

    Photo by mockerfab4

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Change

    Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Change

    “To get something you never had, you  have to do something you never did.” -Unknown

    There’s a reason we often take the path most traveled: Seeing all the footprints on the well-trodden road creates the illusion of certainty, especially when many are your own.

    When it’s familiar,  it feels safe. You know what’s at the end; you’ve been there before. You know how to get there, so you don’t need to pay too much attention to your steps or the details along the way. You can just kind of put yourself on auto-pilot and go.

    But there’s something kind of ironic about living on auto-pilot.

    We generally do the things we’ve always done because they require less mental effort; you know what’s around you, so you don’t need to worry as much. But instinctively, we still find things to stress about. Even if we follow the path that feels comfortable, we generally end up thinking about the possibility of things we can’t control. There are always things we can’t control. Nothing is ever certain.

    If you inevitably need to embrace the discomfort of knowing the future is uncertain, why not choose the discomfort that might push you one inch closer to the possibilities you dream about?

    Why not reach out to someone you admire, or go to that event you’re scared to attend, or pitch that idea you’re afraid isn’t great? Life is bound to be messy and occasionally scary. Why not actively choose your changes, instead of waiting for them to choose you?

    Today as you go about your day, if you find yourself doing what you’ve always done, ask yourself: What would make me feel excited about today? Then do it. That tingling sense of fear and possibility–it’s the feeling of being alive.

    Photo by C.Davenby

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Showing Your True Feelings

    “Never apologize for showing feelings. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.” -Benjamin Disraeli

    As I’ve been preparing my presentation for the Wanderlust Yoga and Music Festival, I’ve been watching a lot of powerful speeches related to my topics of authenticity and connection. I found my way to Dr. Brené Brown, who researches vulnerability.

    In her inspiring talk, Brené explains how shame can be one of the biggest barriers to connection. If you believe there is something wrong with you—that you are somehow unworthy—you may hide who you are in fear of being judged and rejected.

    This is why I spent most of my early and mid-20s completely isolated. Because I felt overwhelming shame for mistakes I’d made, and I believed that they defined me, I chose to fester in a prison of my own making to avoid people’s judgment.

    Though I have now joined the land of the social, there are still times when I think my true feelings are an admission of weakness. I get a lot of emails from readers who seem to feel the same way—that they shouldn’t be feeling angry, or frustrated, or hurt, or whatever. They think they should be stronger or more evolved than that.

    This only exacerbates the pain because you pile guilt on top of the initial feeling.

    There is no shame in having emotions. And as Brené points out, it’s nearly impossible to numb the uncomfortable ones without also diluting the positive.

    If we want to know joy, elation, excitement, and everything else that makes life worth living, we need to give ourselves permission to feel the full range of emotions. And if we want to connect with each other, we need to accept and love ourselves in every moment, even when our truth feels heavy.

    Today if you start judging what you’re feeling, remind yourself: Everyone deals with difficult feelings. What separates us is what we do with them.



  • Tiny Wisdom: On Risks and Rewards

    Tiny Wisdom: On Risks and Rewards

    “Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” -H. Jackson Browne

    It’s safe. Familiar. Comfortable. Effortless. It doesn’t make waves. It’s what other people think you should do. You’re less likely to fail. Less likely to feel vulnerable. Less likely to question if it was worth the risk.

    Whether you realize it now or not, it is. We tend to regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did.

    On my first date with my boyfriend, I told him over dinner that I’d always wanted to go skydiving, even though I was afraid of heights. And I meant it–someday. As in someday far away, in a time when it suddenly seemed less terrifying. Someday came far quicker than I’d planned.

    He told me that if I wanted to see him again, I’d have to jump out of a plane. So he took me skydiving on our second date. For days before, I considered backing out, especially after I tweeted about it and someone linked me to skydiving fatalities. Although I knew it would likely be safe, I was afraid of the inherent risk.

    What pushed me through was the realization that I said I wanted to do it because I did. So I took it one moment at a time. I focused first on just getting in the car–that was all I had to do. Then next on going into the building. Then next on boarding the plane. Then next on jumping out.

    What I didn’t plan was the last step–feeling more alive than I ever had before.

    I took the risk one simple action step at a time, and though it didn’t completely take away the fear, it certainly pushed me through it. It was absolutely worth it. Nothing is more satisfying than actually doing what you’ve always said you wanted to do.

    Get unsafe. Less familiar. Uncomfortable. Difficult. Make waves. Define expectations. Risk failing. Feel vulnerable. Be bold and courageous. No matter where it takes you, leaving your comfort zone–learning, growing, feeling alive–is always worth the risk.

    Photo by magical-world

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing You’re Complete

    Tiny Wisdom: On Realizing You’re Complete

    “On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what you do.” -Eckhart Tolle

    In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle explores how people attach their happiness to achievements in the future. A perfect relationship. A promotion. A salary increase.

    Since all of these things exist somewhere other than now–and they’re all impermanent, even if you do achieve them–this thinking creates pain on multiple levels.

    First, in the present, when you’ve yet to achieve what you think you need. Next in the acquisition, when you realize even though you’ve met your goal, you’re still wired to look for happiness somewhere in the future. And later, when life changes, and you no longer have exactly what you had.

    Life always changes. Nothing is permanent.

    That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pursue goals. It’s just that we’d experience a deeper sense of joy on the journey if we realized there’s nowhere to get to. There’s no someday when I’m someone, or someday when I’m happy. There’s no salvation in the future. It’s an illusion that strips the present of joy and makes it a stressful experience.

    Life is now. It will always be now. At some point we have to decide now is a perfect time to be happy, peaceful, satisfied, and complete.

    As you work toward your goals today, tune into your underlying motivations and ask yourself: Am I focusing all my energy on a happy tomorrow to the detriment of my today?

    Photo by jamiehladky

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Helping Yourself

    Tiny Wisdom: On Helping Yourself

    “The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.” ~Swedish Proverb

    Helping yourself is telling people what you need, even though you’re afraid to acknowledge it.

    It’s forgiving yourself for your mistakes, even though you feel like dwelling.

    It’s taking responsibility for your problems, even though someone else may have played a large part in them.

    It’s breaking a problem into tiny, manageable pieces, even though you feel overwhelmed.

    It’s living in accordance with your values, even when they stand in the way of something you think you want.

    It’s allowing yourself to dream, and then focusing on creating instead of arriving.

    Every one of these choices enables you to help yourself. And when you make the effort to help yourself, you can better help other people—and the world.

    What do you need to do to help yourself today, and can you start right now?


  • Tiny Wisdom: On How Much You’re Worth

    Tiny Wisdom: On How Much You’re Worth

    “The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.” -Unknown

    Before I started this site, I found myself in a horrible financial situation. I lost two well-paying jobs within the same week, and I quickly realized my unemployment benefits would just barely cover my rent. At 28 years old, I felt like I should have been a lot more established and financially secure.

    But something kind of beautiful happened. I began forming close relationships with people who also got laid off due to the economic meltdown. Since we were in the same boat, we had a new sense of camaraderie, and a reason to bond over our shared need for ingenuity.

    With fewer distractions and abundant time to fill, we also had a mutual opportunity to discover how we could feel more purposeful and make a difference in other people’s lives. Somehow, without having much money to spend, we became incredibly valuable to each other–and to the world.

    In a capitalist society, it’s easy to play the comparison game and assume you’re somehow failing if you’re not amassing wealth.

    But when you take an inventory of the people who’ve made a big difference in your life, how frequently do you visualize their net worth alongside their smiling faces? When you look back at your happiest memories, how many of them required massive financial backing?

    It would be irresponsible to suggest we don’t need money to live. But if there’s one thing economic times have taught us, it’s that we are far more valuable than the numbers on our checks. And sometimes the greatest joy comes from the simple things that don’t require a dime.

    Today if you find yourself fixating on money, ask yourself: What makes me feel rich in my heart, and what can I do with that today?

    *This is an extension of a post published in September, 2009. Photo by joven12th

  • Tiny Wisdom: On When to Hold and When to Fold

    Tiny Wisdom: On When to Hold and When to Fold

    “All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” -Havelock Ellis

    Sometimes it’s difficult to know when to keep plowing ahead and when to accept that it’s time to move on.

    You don’t want to give up on someone you love if you can make a positive difference in their life; but sometimes you need to let go and let them learn their own lessons.

    You don’t want to give up on a dream when you’ve put your heart and soul into it; but sometimes you need to let go of the outcome you’ve been fantasizing about to open yourself up to something even better.

    I’ve been in both of these places, and similar ones, many times before. I’ve wondered what a strong person would do. Or what a brave person would do. Or what a determined person would do. Because that’s what it always came down to–what I thought I should do, and what might increase my chances of getting something I wanted.

    What I’ve realized is that there is no should. There is no simple answer. And there aren’t any guarantees. You can never know for certain if the day after you stop trying could have been the day everything came together. You can never be sure that if you keep going, you’ll eventually get what you’re shooting for.

    All you can do is know your true intentions, listen to your instincts, and then make the best choice based on what you feel is right. They key is to listen to your instincts. Not what you think you should do, or what you think other people would do, or what you think looks good. But what you know in the still, quiet place within.

    Today if you feel conflicted about whether you should hold on or let go, ask yourself: If you cleared away your fears and self-judgments, what choice would you make?

    Photo by Frames-of-Mind