Tiny Buddha

Author: Lori Deschene

  • Tiny Wisdom: The Power of Flexibility

    Tiny Wisdom: The Power of Flexibility

    “Stay committed in your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” ~Tom Robbins

    This is the post that almost wasn’t—and it’s chock full of irony.

    This weekend I spoke at the first annual Bonfire Heights retreat.

    The founder, Darius, promoted this event as a meeting of “ordinary people doing extraordinary things.” Listening to the stories presenters shared, it occurred to me that “ordinary” was a modest assessment. The lineup included the youngest TED speaker ever—a twelve-year old organic farmer; a teenage paraplegic who started a non-profit foundation called Walk and Roll; and multiple CNN Heroes, to name just a few individuals.

    But it wasn’t just their messages that stirred me—it was their humanity. Since this was the first event of its kind, the crowd was relatively small, which allowed for an intimate experience. From community style meals, to S’mores around the bonfire, to impromptu nighttime beach walks, it felt like a family reunion. It felt like love was the only agenda.

    Yesterday, I planned to write during several hours at the airport, since I hadn’t yet prepared a post for today. But I found myself instead immersed in a fascinating conversation about psychology with a new friend.

    At first I resisted somewhat, since there was all kinds of inspiration percolating in my brain, waiting to be expressed in written words. I also knew I’d likely be exhausted by the time I got home. I have written every week day for more than two years. Not doing it just wasn’t an option.

    Until it was.

    My boyfriend would attest that Tiny Buddha has been the other man in my life. All my heart and soul are wrapped up in this site, and I generally make it my first priority. But in this moment, I decided being was more important than sharing. And I gave myself permission to take a day off from what I always do.

    Of course I woke up at 7:30, fired up to share. But I’m happy to sit here knowing that I do this because I want to; not because I have to.

    Sometimes the best way to stay consistent is to release that sense of urgency.

    Photo by geishaboy500

  • Tiny Wisdom: Stillness in a World that Moves Quickly

    “Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” -Hermann Hesse

    Before I started this site, I had a different blog where I frequently posted uplifting videos. I quickly learned that the average web reader will devote one to two minutes before deciding that a video drags on. It’s a consequence of the rapidly moving digital era: our attention spans have decreased.

    And we tend to get desensitized to concepts fairly quickly. Perhaps it’s because very little feels fresh in an information-overloaded online world, where there are millions of inspiring quotes, beautiful images, and poignant videos to enjoy.

    When something is sticky–the term internet marketers use describe a page that people look at for longer than average–there’s often a highly strategic, psychologically motivated plan that keeps us enthralled and engaging. There are things that captivate and touch us–and they oftentimes go viral. But they may be videos we watch half-way through before sharing. Or blog posts we briefly scan and then Stumble.

    That’s not to say we always hop from content to content with all the focus of an overstimulated goldfish. It’s just that, on the whole, as an audience, we’re hard to captivate. There’s a lot happening around us, online and off, and a lot competing for our attention.

    I thought about all this today, after watching a time lapse video I found linked on Twitter. Shot in San Francisco, it shows hundreds of hours of footage in just under 5 minutes. And it’s beautiful. It’s a condensed slice of everything we might miss, when we’re caught up on our heads, or multitasking, or receiving various stimuli with multiple senses simultaneously.

    Only two minutes in and I was already tempted to do something else. Then I realized the irony.

    Life moves quickly around us. There will always be something else to see and do. There will always be something else that pops up and threatens to scatter our focus. We can task the outside world with being sticky enough to engage us. Or we can choose to find serenity and focus, sitting smack dab in the middle of the chaos.

    Life is beauty in motion, but we can only appreciate it one tiny piece at a time, and only if we’re willing to find stillness within.

    The City from WTK Photography on Vimeo.

    Email subscribers, click through to view the video!

  • Tiny Wisdom: When You Fear Making Mistakes

    Tiny Wisdom: When You Fear Making Mistakes

    “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” -Elbert Hubbard

    The other day I read that most of our fears can be boiled down to a fear of inadequacy, and, consequently, rejection. I know this is true for me.

    When I feel a sense of panic about the potential to fail, it’s really more about being seen as a failure. When I make mistakes without witnesses, assuming the mistakes don’t cause me immense discomfort, I generally rebound fairly quickly. It’s almost like a tree falling the wrong way in the woods–if no one sees it, did it even happen at all?

    I suspect this is true for most of us. A stumble that no one saw isn’t nearly as mortifying as a stumble with an audience.

    When you factor in assumptions about other people’s judgment, suddenly a mistake seems like more than a poor decision; it seems like an admission of weakness. It seems less about our choice in a moment and more about our character on the whole.

    But there’s something ironic about fearing judgment for being fallible, since this is something we all have in common. If we can just embrace our vulnerability and accept that our mistakes don’t define us, they can lead to a greater sense of meaning and connection.

    Most of the purpose-driven people I’ve met feel motivated by the need to help people with struggles they’ve already faced. Because we err and hurt, we can feel for other people and do our part to help ease their pain. And because we know we’re fallible, we learn to be humble, which helps us appreciate and forgive.

    There’s no denying that there are some mistakes that we wouldn’t make if we could re-live those moments. But the reality is that’s never an option. All we can ever do is make the smartest, bravest choice based on what we know in this moment.

    The bravest choice is to do what we really want to do, regardless of who might see and form opinions. It might not always feel comfortable to risk being seen as inadequate, but the alternative is to risk feeling partially alive.


    Photo by Wonderlane

  • Book Giveaway and Interview: One Minute Mindfulness

    Book Giveaway and Interview: One Minute Mindfulness

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha to learn about future giveaways!

    The winners:

    As you can likely tell from the number of author interviews/giveaways I’ve posted during these last few weeks, I’ve been receiving and reading a wide selection of books lately. One-Minute Mindfulness is now sitting on my coffee table, where I know I will refer it often.

    The full title reads One-Minute Mindfulness: 50 Simple Ways to Find Peace, Clarity, and New Possibilities in a Stressed-Out World. It delivers on its promise.

    From the Amazon Description:

    In this book, Donald Altman brings the benefits of mindfulness down to earth and into everyday life. With fifty exercises and practices to build awareness and center attention, you will discover how to savor routine pleasures, build fulfillment in your work, enhance and heal relationships, change unhealthy habits, and connect to peace even in the midst of chaos or uncertainty.

    The Giveaway

    To enter to win one of 5 free copies of One-Minute Mindfulness:

    1. Leave a comment on this post.
    2. Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Giveaway and Interview: One-Minute Mindfulness by Donald Altman http://bit.ly/mQfaHA

    You can enter until midnight PST on Sunday, September 25th.

    The Interview

    1. In your book, One Minute Mindfulness, you offer a variety of practices to create mindfulness in 60 seconds. It’s an accessible practice, since everyone can find a minute here and there throughout their day. Do you find that integrating these practices into a daily routine creates more mindfulness overall?

    In my mind, there’s no question that this increases the level of overall mindfulness. This is actually in line with the Buddha’s teachings—that mindfulness is used every possible moment. And it’s why mindfulness is considered to be a path to enlightenment.

    Each next sixty seconds holds the potential for anyone to open with spaciousness to whatever is happening, to see the truth of that moment. You can only do that in the next minute that is right before you, which is why a one-minute mindfulness practice is so valuable. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: The Time is Now

    Tiny Wisdom: The Time is Now


    “To be alive is to totally and openly participate in the simplicity and elegance of here and now.” -Donald Altman

    We can find reasons to smile, if we look for the good in the now.
    We can silence the thoughts that cause us pain, if we focus on what’s in front of us now.
    We can change the things that aren’t working, if we make different choices now.
    We can let go of the past and start from where we are, if we realize we’re free in the now.
    We can be the people we want to be. The only time to do it is now.

    Photo by Dave_B_

  • Tiny Wisdom: Stressing and Pushing for Success

    Tiny Wisdom: Stressing and Pushing for Success

    “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” -Albert Schweitzer

    Last week, I was part of the studio audience for a taping of the Jay Leno show. One of the guests was Glee’s Jane Lynch, who I learned has a new book out called Happy Accidents.

    What struck me during her interview was her confession of struggling with chronic anxiety throughout most of her rise to fame. She always felt apprehensive about her decisions, unsure of whether or not she was doing the right things to succeed as an actress.

    In retrospect, she realizes that all that stress did nothing to lead her where she is now, and that all she really needed to do was to take the chances in front of her—because all those “happy accidents” added up to make her dream come true.

    While listening to her speak, I couldn’t help but wonder what conclusions she’d have formed at this point in her life if she hadn’t succeeded on a massive scale. It’s a lot easier to relax when you feel like you’ve done what you intended to do. It’s easier to be kind to yourself when you feel proud of yourself.

    If things had worked out differently, she may very well feel the same; judging from the interview, she’s gleaned a lot of wisdom in her 51 years. Still, this got me thinking.

    The challenge for most of us is learning to adopt that calm, accepting mindset when we’re midway through the climb, wherever it is where headed. The reality is there are no guarantees about the heights we’ll reach–we can never know for certain where our “accidents” will take us.

    Perhaps happiness is appreciating and enjoying those detours, regardless of where they lead.

    Maybe it’s more than just believing in our ability to succeed; maybe happiness is believing in our ability to be content and satisfied whether we do or not.

    Today if you feel fixated on the success you want to achieve, remember: the greatest success is doing what you love and believing that’s enough.

    Photo by kurvenalbn

  • Tiny Wisdom: Not Taking the Easy Road

    Tiny Wisdom: Not Taking the Easy Road

    “There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it’s easy.” -Unknown

    I need to constantly remind myself to not do what’s easiest.

    As I’ve mentioned before, I work from home. Many days, it’s tempting to pull open my laptop the second I wake up—which means I’ll likely spend the first couple of hours working in my pajamas, only to find myself feeling somewhat disconnected from the day outside my door.

    I know this happens. I know that I feel better about myself when I get ready for the day as I would if I were going to an office. I know I’ll feel even better if I actually go somewhere to work—a coffee shop, a park, anywhere outside the 3-room apartment I share with my boyfriend.

    And yet sometimes it takes a concerted effort to do this. Why? Because it’s easier not to.

    And it’s easy to make excuses: Why bother taking a shower? I’m planning to work out later. Why bother going to a coffee shop? I can save money if I stay here. Why bother wearing something other than yoga pants? I’m not doing anything that requires me to dress nicely.

    The answer to all these questions is the same: because it makes me feel good. And that alone is reason enough to push through my instinctive desire to do what’s easiest. It just plain feels better to get outside my house and my head.

    Every day, we have countless opportunities to take the easiest, yet least satisfying road.

    We can turn to the things that comfort and numb us instead of acknowledging the things we want to change. We can do what comes naturally instead of recognizing and honoring what we do passionately. We can justify the path of least resistance by ignoring our strongest instincts.

    But this is a choice to grow bored with life—and that’s a shame, since there is a world of beauty and wonder waiting just outside the door we don’t usually open.

    Today I’m opening that door by not taking the easiest road. Today I will make an effort. Will you?

    Photo by danielle_blu

  • Tiny Wisdom: You Need to Forgive Yourself

    Tiny Wisdom: You Need to Forgive Yourself

    “Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” -Leo F. Buscaglia

    There’s a scene in the movie Good Will Hunting where a therapist named Sean repeatedly tells the wayward genius Will, “It’s not your fault.” This comes on the heels of a conversation about the severe abuse Will suffered from his foster father, which led him to a life of legal battles and underachievement.

    The first time Sean says, “It’s not your fault,” Will responds with a nonchalant, “Yeah, I know.”

    But as he repeats it, over and over again, the words penetrate through Will’s tough exterior, and eventually break him down, until he’s crying in his therapist’s arms. This scene gets to me every time, because I know that “Yeah, I know.” And I also know that lost, vulnerable feeling of realizing that I really don’t know—and it’s holding me back.

    There are certain things that most of us understand are true. We know that no one can love us if we don’t love ourselves. We know we shouldn’t blame ourselves for things other people have done. We know we need to accept ourselves or else we’ll never be happy.

    But sometimes despite knowing these things intellectually, we forget them internally. Sometimes we need to take a deep breath and remember we’re doing the best we can—and our best is good enough.

    Today if you’re tempted to get hard on yourself over that situation that didn’t pan out, or that relationship that didn’t work out, or the bad habit you didn’t cut out, cut yourself some slack instead. We all have room for improvement; it’s called being human.

    But also, we all have gifts and talents that can make the world a better place. We can only share them if we realize that who we are is worth sharing.

    Photo by eschipul

  • Tiny Wisdom: We Want to Fly

    Tiny Wisdom: We Want to Fly

    “One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.” -Helen Keller

    The other day my boyfriend and I went to Disneyland, as we often do, since we’re annual pass holders.

    Though my younger self would be ashamed to foresee this about adult me, I generally avoid rides with intense drops, because I have the stomach of a 90-year old. Yet somehow, the other day, I found myself in line for a roller coaster ride.

    During the wait, I kept a laser focus on the part of the coaster that climbed to an inevitable plummet, completely dulling my other senses while I considered backing out. Once I buckled myself in, I felt that familiar sense of queasiness as I awaited the impending plunge.

    Suddenly I realized that the ride itself caused mere seconds of discomfort; far more unsettling was the anticipation that I allowed to consume my thoughts. This unnecessary stress seemed even more ridiculous when I realized I was on a kiddie coaster, and the “drop” was really no scarier than skipping down a ramp.

    Isn’t this often how it works? We challenge ourselves to do things to push outside our comfort zones, then along the way we question if it would have been smarter to play it safe.

    If we get all worked up, we generally realize later it wasn’t as scary as we thought it would be. And if it was, stressing likely didn’t do much to shape the future; it just created a sense of tension that limited our ability to deal with it gracefully.

    Everywhere we look, we see messages that tell us to take a chance and do the things that terrify us. We generally feel alive and invigorated when we stretch our boundaries, even if just a little. But the reality is we never have to do things we don’t want to do.

    We choose them because we want them. Underneath all our fear and that nagging need to maintain a sense of control, we want to dip, drop, and soar. If we can remember that, it will be a lot easier to relax and enjoy the ride.

    Photo with permission from laineybugger

  • Giveaway and Interview: Spirit Junkie by Gabrielle Bernstein

    Giveaway and Interview: Spirit Junkie by Gabrielle Bernstein

    Update: The winners have already been chosen for this giveaway. They are:

    Have you ever met someone, and then instantly felt a sense of rapport and respect? That’s how I felt earlier this year when I met best-selling author and speaker Gabrielle Bernstein.

    After a stellar introduction from a mutual friend, I felt intrigued to meet this woman, known as a “happiness guru” in the mainstream media. Much to my dismay, I woke up that day feeling slightly under the weather and far less, well, happy, than usual.

    It was just one of those days. And for better or worse, I am someone who acknowledges what I’m really feeling. So I told her when we met, “I’m feeling less than 100%, with incredibly low energy today, but please know I am truly thrilled to connect with you!” (Except without the exclamation point—really low energy, remember?)

    Despite meeting a shadow of my bubbliest self, Gabrielle exuded non-judgmental kindness and love, and engaged with me in an insightful conversation about living an empowered life. I didn’t yet know much about her writing or speaking, but I knew there was something beautiful motivating them.

    Earlier this year, I received a copy of Gabrielle’s latest book, Spirit Junkie: A Radical Road to Self-Love and Miracles. Part memoir and part self-help guide, Spirit Junkie offers a modern twist on the teachings of A Course in Miracles.

    Touted as a role model for Gen-Y women, Gabrielle writes in a casual, down-to-earth tone, almost like a loving sister imparting wisdom for inner peace and joy. Throughout the book, she takes readers on a journey through her former drug abuse and romance-addiction, exploring the spiritual path that has helped her transform her perceptions and her life.

    With unflinching honesty and self-awareness, Gabrielle inspires us to all to challenge our egos and live joyful, authentic lives.

    Though she explores some weighty topics, the book has a light-hearted tone and empowering message–that we can choose to cower in fear or create miracles through love. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: The Joy of Non-Events

    Tiny Wisdom: The Joy of Non-Events

    “Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!” -Amanda Bradley

    In Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll coined the term “un-birthday,” which means exactly what you might expect—a day you celebrate that isn’t actually your birthday. You might not feel inclined to send out Evites and buy a helium tank in honor of a non-milestone, but there’s something to this idea.

    We often live life waiting for reasons to get excited. We save the good china for special occasions, reserve fancy clothes for yet-to-be-determined big events, and generally wait for moments that will justify festivity. Then when we reach those events, the act of planning—making sure everything is perfect, and everyone is happy—can create more stress than joy.

    Conventional wisdom suggests you should live every day like your last, but maybe that isn’t the answer either. If it were your last, you might quit your job, drain your savings account, and take dangerous risks because you’d have no reason to be cautious.

    Perhaps a better suggestion is to treat every day as a new opportunity to be happy–a new selection of moments when you can smile, enjoy the little things, and find reasons to rejoice. Not because your time is almost up, but simply because it feels good. And why not feel good right now?

    Celebrate something today. Anything! Did you parallel park really well after work? Bust out the champagne! Did your daughter say please and thank you? You’re an awesome parent with a gifted child—write it on a cake! Did your roommate or significant other do a great job cleaning? What better reason to grab a big bouquet of flowers?

    We don’t need a calendar to tell us which days are special and extraordinary. We just need the willingness to recognize the special in the ordinary.


    *This is an updated version of a post from 2009. Photo by charness.

  • Tiny Wisdom: Living in the Now and Planning for Later

    Tiny Wisdom: Living in the Now and Planning for Later

    “As for the future, your task is not to foresee it but to enable it.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

    It’s a common misconception that being fully present means not setting goals. After all, if you’re truly connected to the now, you’re not thinking of building for later. If you’re awake instead of living on autopilot, you’re more concerned with the wonder of what’s in front of you than the wonder of what’s ahead of you.

    I’ve spent a lot of time weighing the options, as if I needed to choose one way of being: peaceful or productive. This left me feeling conflicted, because instinctively, I want both. I want to feel awake in my everyday life, while still allowing myself to have dreams and work toward them. I want to accept and appreciate what is, while imagining and creating what could be.

    I’ve realized that while mindfulness can help us feel a greater sense of happiness, life satisfaction generally requires a balance of being and planning.

    As beautiful and freeing as it is to immerse ourselves in the moment, we do ourselves a disservice if we don’t devote a least a little time to shaping the ones to come. As liberating as it is to simply be, we risk growing complacent and stagnant if we forget we are always evolving.

    There is a reason abundant research shows that goal-setting leads to happiness: recognizing our potential and then utilizing it gives us a sense of empowerment, growth, and pride. Life happens now, but our lives are more than any isolated experience. We owe it to ourselves to question what it is we really want to do, and how we’re going to do it.

    John Lennon said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” He was right. But sometimes planning is a perfectly beautiful way to experience life, particularly when it comes from a sense of fullness and possibility, not an sense of dissatisfaction and lack.

    So I say dig your heels in today, look around, and appreciate what is. But remember, while enjoying the present, that the future is ours to create.

    Photo by Katy Moeggenberg

  • Tiny Wisdom: Let Yourself Be As You Are

    Tiny Wisdom: Let Yourself Be As You Are

    “Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.” ~Buddha

    “My brain has been moving slowly all day.” As I told my boyfriend this, I felt each word roll out of my mouth with all the speed of a hill-climbing turtle. Like everything else I’ve done today, I’ve been speaking at a glacial pace.

    I’ve retraced my footsteps over these last few days, double-checking how much I’ve eaten and how well I’ve slept. But despite playing low-energy detective, I’ve found no clear explanation for my overall sense of weariness. Accept it or not, I’m just having one of those days when I need to take it easy. I don’t always do well with these.

    When I’m slow on the uptake and I struggle to complete my to-do list, I’m tempted to get frustrated and impatient with myself–to push myself to be more effective and productive instead of cutting myself some slack. But this doesn’t actually make me more productive or effective. It only serves to create a nagging sense of guilt and stress.

    Maybe you’ve been there before: You have things to do and expectations to meet, but your body has a different agenda. You can either indulge a sense of urgent panic about the things you’re not doing, or not doing well. Or you can accept yourself as you are in this moment and do what you need to do for your well-being.

    We all have responsibilities and goals, and we instinctively want to create and maintain a sense of momentum with them. But in the grand scheme of things, our happiness has less to do with how quickly we progress and more to do with how kind we are to ourselves at each step of the way.

    Let yourself be as you are today. Accept what you feel in your body and mind, without feeling the need to fight it, deny it, ignore it, hide it, or push through to the other side. And then take good care of yourself. Sometimes the best way to help yourself is to stop fighting yourself.

    Photo by Wonderlane

  • Giveaway and Review: the 2-Year Anniversary of Tinybuddha.com!

    Giveaway and Review: the 2-Year Anniversary of Tinybuddha.com!

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. They are:

    It seems like just yesterday I wrote, “It’s a pretty exciting week in Tiny Buddha world,” before crafting a massive year-in-review post for the site’s first anniversary.

    Yet here we are again, a full year later.

    So much has happened in this year, but instead of creating a lengthy year-in-review list, I’m just going to recap the five biggest highlights, for the site and me personally. I’ll also provide a selection of posts from the year that you may enjoy reading if you’ve missed them. But first I’d like to thank you—every last one of you.

    This site is what it is because of you. I am continually inspired, humbled, and flat-out blown away by the vulnerable, generous, insightful blog posts many of you submit. You really put yourself out there, and it changes people’s lives—more than you may realize.

    For those readers who haven’t written for the site, you also make the site what it is. For your heartfelt comments, here and on Facebook; for your willingness to learn and grow; for being exactly who you are and bringing that light here, thank you.

    Lastly, thank you all for your help in keeping Tiny Buddha up and running. Earlier this year when the site crashed, signaling it was time to get a dedicated server, many of you sent thoughtful emails and generous donations. I saved all of those emails, and I refer to them whenever I need a reminder that what I do makes a difference. There are no words to describe my gratitude for your kindness and support (well, except those ones).

    The Giveaway

    To celebrate the site’s 2-year anniversary, I’d like to offer 5 readers a free copy of my eBook, Tiny Buddha’s Handbook for Peace and Happiness.

    This is a compilation of some of my most popular posts, including a few posts that you won’t find on the site. If you’ve already purchased a copy, you can enter to win a copy for a friend. I’ll be happy to send it to them instead! To enter:

    1. Leave a comment on this post, including something you’re proud of from 2011 so far.
    2. Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Giveaway and Review: the 2-Year Anniversary of Tinybuddha.com http://bit.ly/oQKkxU

    Please note this is an electronic book, meaning you will receive a PDF file through email. If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step.

    You can enter until midnight, PST on Monday, September 12th. I will choose the winners using randomizer.org, and contact them on Tuesday, September 13th. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: Missing Out Can Be a Good Thing

    Tiny Wisdom: Missing Out Can Be a Good Thing

    “The next message you need is always right where you are.” -Ram Dass

    Everything seems urgent in an always-on world, where we can access each other at any time. When we’re not engaging through emails, @replies, and Skype messages, we frequently check various online portals to keep up with who’s doing what and what’s trending. Even if we manage to tune everything out, we often end up feeling distracted.

    There’s a bustling world of instant updates and constant connection that never sleeps, and it lives on our desks, in our purses, in our pockets.

    Who knows what we’ll miss if we disappear into our own space for a while. Researcher Linda Stone refers to this as continuous partial attention—living life with one eye on technology to feel busy, included, recognized, and important.

    While these all sound like positive things, the compulsion to receive them can leave us feeling unfulfilled and even powerless.

    Until recently, I refused to buy a cell phone with Internet access for this very reason. Despite maintaining a consistent mindfulness practice, I sometimes struggle with the urge to answer one more email, respond to one more blog comment, or monitor the different places where Tiny Buddha has a presence.

    It’s tempting to be always-on, but that means we’re never here. The only way to be available for what’s in front of us is to be less available for everything else.

    This means we really hear what our friends are saying in front of us instead of checking to see what other friends are tweeting. It means that we stop watching our email accounts like pots that won’t boil and really taste the tea we may otherwise multitask. It means we stop feeling like the narrators of our lives—sharing everything the moment it happens—and instead feel fully alive in our experiences.

    The web is a sticky place, and we can easily get lose here if we’re determined to stay informed and connected. There’s nothing wrong with using technology–it certainly enhances our lives. We just need to know when to disconnect from the stream so that we don’t disconnect from ourselves.

    Photo by laineybugger

  • Tiny Wisdom: Let Your Light Shine Bright

    Tiny Wisdom: Let Your Light Shine Bright

    “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” ~Marianne Williamson

    We all have it: a little voice inside that tries to hold us back.

    It tells us not to say what we feel so we won’t make any waves. It tells us not to define what we want so that things can stay predictably easy. It tells us not to go for our dreams because we may not be good enough.

    It may also tell us that it’s selfish to focus on our own desires and goals–that good people are more concerned with giving than getting. But giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. And sometimes the best thing we can give to others is a reminder that we all deserve to live passionate, fulfilling, engaged lives–and we all have the capacity to do it.

    So today, let your light shine.

    Make your own needs and wants priorities.

    Make time for the things you love to do, even if they feel silly, or superficial, or extravagant. If it’s within your means to do it and it doesn’t hurt anyone, don’t worry about justifying–just enjoy!

    Use your gifts and talents in the way you want to use them–not the way you think you should.

    Speak directly from your heart, without fear of reproach.

    If you believe in something, stand behind it, even if you stand alone.

    Keep your heart open to the world around you so you can be moved and inspired–and then use that internal illumination to create something that will move and inspire the people around you.

    Play. Laugh. Love. Leap. And remember that you have nothing to prove. There’s nothing you have to do, and there’s no one you have to be other than exactly who you are, because who you are is beautiful. Who you are is full of light–and the world deserves to see it.

    Photo by Missie Graham

  • Tiny Wisdom: Letting Other People Hurt

    Tiny Wisdom: Letting Other People Hurt

    “The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.” -Henry David Thoreau

    Yesterday I helped a friend with a project that he’d spent a lot of time, money, and energy planning as a surprise for someone he loves. I knew it meant a lot to him to do this–and do it well.

    Things didn’t work out as he had planned, partly due to some misguided advice I gave him. Since he’d been working on it for days, it was an incredible disappointment. I could see the sadness in his face as he saw the final product and realized it wouldn’t make the impact he’d hoped it would.

    I felt like it was partially my fault. But even if I hadn’t given him bad advice, I suspect I still would have felt responsible for taking away his sadness. I have done it all through life. When I see someone hurting, I feel an imperative to make everything better. I make suggestions, I offer to do all kinds of things they likely need to do for themselves, and I generally try absorb their feelings with my extreme resistance to seeing and accepting them.

    This is more about what I want–to not see someone hurting–than what the other person needs–to simply be with their feelings.

    While his is a minor disappointment in the grand scheme of things, there will be other times when people around me are in immense pain. The same is true for all of us. People we know will stumble, and struggle, and maybe even fall apart. It will be hard to watch–perhaps even heartbreaking. Instinctively, we’ll want to help in any way we can, and that’s a good thing.

    But people also need to be able to go through their own emotional processes, with pains big and small. Sometimes all we can do is be there, a silent but supportive witness to the sorrow.

    We all need a hand every now and then, but most often we don’t need a hero to save us; we need friends who understand when to step up and when to give us space to work through what we’re feeling. Everything heals with time–being a friend means supporting that, not rushing it.

    Photo by liveandrock

  • Tiny Wisdom: Open Your Eyes and See

    Tiny Wisdom: Open Your Eyes and See

    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown

    This weekend, I devoted an extensive amount of time to writing something I’ve been struggling to complete. I wrote and rewrote so many times that it felt like more like destruction than creation, but I’ve come to realize that chaos is often the path to clarity.

    There were times when I knew it could be beneficial to do something else, clear my head, and come back to it with fresh eyes, but a part of me felt this drive to push through and finish.

    While eating dinner with my brother last night, I recognized I wasn’t really listening to anything he was saying. I was still thinking about my unfinished project, and somewhat sucking the joy out of it with my perfectionism. But I knew I’d be leaving Massachusetts soon, so I was wasting precious time.

    Then everything went dark. The power went out on our entire street, and it stayed that way for more than two hours. Suddenly it was futile to think about writing because I simply couldn’t. All I could do was see my brother by candlelight and be there, in empty space with him. Sitting in the darkness, playing 20 questions and surrendering to the now, I felt free.

    If you’re anything like me, you probably have good intentions of being present–and there are times when you are. But other times, you struggle with your mind and a nagging need for control. Mindfulness is not an easy proposition. Unwanted thoughts can easily sneak in and snowball before you realize the grip they have on you.

    Sometimes we need to create our own blackouts–to imagine how we’d experience the moment if we literally couldn’t do anything about the problems we haven’t solved yet, or the memories we haven’t released yet, or the battles we haven’t prepared for yet.

    Most of the time, we can’t. We just don’t want to accept it.

    Any isolated moment can seem so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but we don’t get to know when the moments will run out. Every moment is precious time. Open your eyes and see.

    Photo by zeze57 the Tourist

  • Tiny Wisdom: Receiving without a Sense of Obligation

    Tiny Wisdom: Receiving without a Sense of Obligation

    “The best things in life are unexpected, because there were no expectations.” -Eli Khamarov

    There was a time when I hesitated to accept unsolicited offers of support. If someone suggested a way they could help me, I assumed they were looking for something specific in return. This made me somewhat defensive, because there were and are a lot of things I don’t want to do.

    I don’t want to personally recommend products I haven’t tried myself. I don’t want to tweet promotional links of any kind. I don’t want to send dedicated email blasts about books, or seminars, or teleconferences.

    Because I never want to treat this community as a commodity, I instinctively limit how and when I share products and services. For this reason, I used to resist when someone offered to help me, to avoid creating expectations or taking more than I was prepared to give.

    I’ve realized, however, that I limit how other people can teach, enrich, and support me when I assume they have ulterior motives. I also limit my ability to discover their unique talents and contributions, and how I may want to support them in a way that aligns with my values.

    We all hope to form relationships defined by mutual respect and reciprocal support, and of course we all want opportunities to expand our reach and better pursue our dreams.

    But sometimes the best thing we can do is allow ourselves to receive, without needing to qualify it with a return offer. If we stay open-minded and open-hearted, we will inevitably help other people—maybe not the ones who help us, and maybe not exactly as they did it, but when we recognize a need that we can meet.

    That’s not to say people won’t occasionally have expectations—we all do it from time to time. It just means it’s not our job to anticipate them and worry about our ability to meet them.

    I am a huge fan of asking the question: “How can I support you?” We can do a lot more, individually and collectively when we work with—not against—each other. But we never need to offer things we don’t want to give out of obligation.

    Sometimes all we need to do is say is “Thank you for supporting me.”

    Photo by Wonderlane

  • Book Giveaway and Review: A Lamp in the Darkness

    Book Giveaway and Review: A Lamp in the Darkness

    Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

    The 5 winners:

    “Sometimes we have to go right into the fire in order to find our true healing.” ~Jack Kornfield

    No matter who you are, no matter what you’ve accomplished, no matter how well you’ve planned, you will deal with challenges in life. We all will. And many times, they will hit us unexpectedly.

    We will all lose things and people we love. We will all make mistakes and have to deal with their consequences. We will all experience the pain of declining health, either in our own blood and bones, or as a bystander to people we love.

    When we feel hurt, or angry, or terrified, or weak, we often try to numb it in one way or another—sometimes because we’re afraid the pain will break us, and other times because we’re ashamed of just how fragile we are.

    We may not always remember it, but we are simultaneously strong; and no matter how many times we break down, we can grow, heal, and prosper.

    In his book, A Lamp in the Darkness: Illuminating the Path Through Difficult Times, Jack Kornfield helps us access our inner calm and wisdom to do just that.

    I received this resource at a time when I couldn’t have needed it more. Doctors had just identified numerous large tumors and cysts in my body, and I was awaiting test results.

    After initially responding with resistance and terror, I waded deep into hours of uncertainty, where I realized my deepest pain was coming from my fears, obsessive thoughts, and ensuing emotions. Luckily, I soon learned that I’m in no immediate danger, but I know there will be other times when threats will be real—not just for me, but for all of us.

    In those moments, we will need to depend on our own capacity for equanimity, even if we feel powerless and scared. A Lamp in the Darkness guides us there.

    A bestselling author and renowned spiritual teacher, Kornfield weaves poignant stories of surviving and thriving with simple guidance to help us understand and work through our suffering. (more…)