“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” -Anais Nin
It’s a seductive image—the idea of when you “get there.” What you’ll look like when you lose the weight. How your life will change when you achieve success. How everything will improve when you’re finally happy.
I first began chasing “after pictures” when I was a chubby 12 year old kid. I was convinced that slim felt like peace, and I found lots of photographic confirmation—particularly in advertisements.
I remember buying 7 mammoth bottles of weight loss juice for $100. The “before” picture in the ad didn’t just show a larger woman; she also had messy hair, a disheveled appearance, and an overall air of despair.
The woman in the “after picture,” however, seemed to have everything together. It was like she’d arrived at perfect, and now there was nothing that hurt. I wanted that. I wanted permanently better.
Years later, when I recognized I was attaching to “someday” to avoid being in today, I unintentionally shifted to another “after picture”—the day when I’d become perfectly present. It was the same self-rejection, just disguised as something spiritual.
I now realize the “after picture” is an illusion, as it pertains to weight loss, success, enlightenment, or anything else we think is permanent happiness. And it’s not because we can’t make major changes in our lives. It’s because even when we do, we are constantly transforming and evolving, inside and out.
Our bodies are constantly changing—even if we’re healthy, our weight fluctuates at least a little, and we inevitably age.
Our minds are constantly changing—we learn, unlearn, and then relearn over and over again as we discover more about ourselves and the world.
Our feelings are constantly changing. We hurt, we’re humbled, we heal, we’re strengthened, and then we do it all over again, because that’s what it means to be human.
Not only is there nowhere to get to, there is nowhere we will stay. There is just the choice of this moment: to be present and comfortable in our skin, to forgive ourselves if we struggle, and to remember that as long as we’re breathing, there is always a new opportunity to choose.
Photo by iBrotha
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
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Lori,
Thanks for this. It’s right on the money, as usual. I feel fortunate to have heard you speak recently at Bonfire Heights. Since then Tiny Buddha has slowly crept into my life and now it’s usually the first place I go every morning when I sit down at my computer. I’ve also been sharing some of these daily quotes with others who I think might be helped by them. In fact, one of my friends now refers to me as the Buddha Pest, but he’s weakening and starting to enjoy your site too. Keep up the good work!
Jauque
Hi Lori,
It’s interesting to find that there’s always something on-point in your posts. This was something I really needed to hear today. I usually, even though know better, have some condition to arrive at mentally, spiritually, and physically to arrive at somehow stay there. This thinking is so suble and evasive I often don’t even know it’s there. To be reminded that there’s no place to get to in order to enjoy the day I’m in is something I can use in any moment of any day to side-step that notion. I think everyone to some degree just want to arrive at an acceptable and comfortable place and stay there. Life is always changing and will never stay put. It’s good to keep that in mind always and be learning from it as we travel through it. Thank you for the thoughtful post!
Sal
Or in other words :
“Whatever arises, ceases”
Lori, I am a new reader of your blogs. I have to tell you that you have an art to express in the most articulate fashion some of the most complex thoughts I have felt at sometime in my life. Hats off to you. Its a different thing to participate and totally different to participate, report and learn. In the end of the latter there is the wealth of experience for oneself and a beacon fro others.Really a great job. I really wish I had the opportunity of reading some of these growing up…well I still am, so….thank you and best wishes.
Ben
This really hit home with me bc I have been stuck in the somedays too.
Exactly. I’ve arrived to the same place. Right here and now is where our entire life is.
What a great post. I am constantly working on self-improvement and I find that when I go backwards (metaphorically), I can at times discredit all the work and progress I have already made. It’s that whole idea of the “after picture.” That you learn something and somehow never make a mistake again. But we wouldn’t be human if that was the case. And even if it’s the same lesson, there’s always something new to grasp.
Thank you for this post! 🙂
What a beautiful post. Lately I’ve been trying to remind myself to be more present but it’s though when I get caught up in the excitement of the days ahead of me. And thank you for finding the courage and taking the time to create such a wonderful site
thank you for sharing your self. i wonder what you would experience in the moment today if you had the same body issues as you at 12? does your moment allow remembering the past? how does being human relate to illusion?
You’re most welcome Sal! I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote we want to arrive at an acceptable and comfortable place and stay there. This is one lesson that always helps me when I am struggling–it reminds me to stop looking outside myself from a place of lack and instead feel whole in the present.
You’re most welcome! I’ve found the same thing–that sometimes I might question why I’m struggling with something at this point in the game. Then I realize I’m putting unrealistic expectations and pressure on myself. It’s far less stressful to take it all moment by moment!
You are most welcome Kate. I’m glad it’s helpful to you!
I definitely remember the past, but I’m glad I no longer scrutinize my body like I did. It was a really painful time in my life, and I’ve put a lot of effort into learning to love myself since then. I’m not sure I understand your question about illusion…
Thanks so much Ben. I also wish I learned some of these things when I was growing up! Still, it’s such a joy to be able to explore and share these ideas now. Thanks for taking the time to write. =)
Thanks JD! I really enjoyed being part of Bonfire Heights. Too funny about your new nickname as the Buddha Pest. =) Thanks so much for taking the time to write!
Thanks! This was wonderful, I love the line ” It was like she’d arrived at perfect, and now there was nothing that hurt”. Awesome!
– Roger
Thanks Roger! I’m glad you found this helpful!
I now realize the “after picture” is an illusion, as it pertains to weight loss, success, enlightenment, or anything else we think is permanent happiness. AND Our feelings are constantly changing. We hurt, we’re humbled, we heal, we’re strengthened, and then we do it all over again, because that’s what it means to be human.
i definitely agree with learning to love one’s self. in reading your reply, if nothing is permanent, when you love your self is that permanent or another after picture since “we do it all over again?” is having an after image that there will be a time when you have permanent peace real or an illusion?
Ah great question! Yes, I think loving ourselves is a choice we make over and over again! I continue to put a lot of effort into that. I have moments when I feel less than accepting and loving. But it helps me to remember I can always choose again. I do think the image of permanent peace is an illusion. I believe we can become more peaceful on the whole, but that does not guarantee we will no longer struggle. It only implies we will learn to suffer less.
thanks for the reply and your patience. i agree with what you said and would only change the last sentence to “it implies that we will learn to be continually happier.” this is important for me because i am trying to experience the universe as aiding in my growth with the corollary that my growth is impeded only by me. thanks again.
thanks. i used to be soooooo guilty of this.not so much now, but can always use improvement.
Excellent post, Lori…one of your best. I’ve been reading your work (and that of your guests) for a while now and this one had particular personal resonance. Just when you think you have reached a state that is “where you want to be” and will never tumble backward, life tosses you a curveball (or hand grenade) and in moments all you have accomplished is lost or unrecognizable and the only thing left to do is change and evolve. Thanks for doing what you do out there, Lori!
Thanks a lot for writing such a great article,it did help me:)
I was obsessed finding the perfect state of mind,where i will have complete awareness of my
surrounding,my reaction to every situation will be perfect.
Now i learn its important to be comfortable in every state,have a sense of importance towards everything we do.
Thanks a lot,
punit.
You’re most welcome!